Different Love
by SweetConfession
Summary: After already going through enough suffering to last Charlotte Mecham a lifetime, she leaves her home and moves to Oregon with the family reject and hopes for an ounce of peace and perfect loneliness. But when her senior year starts, she has to shake off the school's epitome of popularity and looks -Donovan Saunders. Or should she address him as Sir?
1. Chapter 1 Second Worst Nightmare

Different Love

I knew I was dreaming. I knew that no matter how cruel he got, I would wake up in my bed my own bed again in my own house. _But why was this small comfort not enough?_ He was right there, looking down at me with his sick, demented grin he always wore. His hand reached forward and bile rose in my throat. I gave out a small whimper and squeezed my eyes shut, the eyeliner and mascara running down my cheeks. _Please,_ I heard someone beg and in my dream state, I didn't realize it was me begging. _Let me go home._ Everything blurred and the pain I felt in my face was so palpable my consciousness began to stir. I wanted to wake up, my brain told me this was all a nightmare and I needed to leave, to go back to reality but something pulled me in deeper and I was lost. Panic filled me, I saw him circling around my body like if I were nothing but a sick animal and he couldn't decide to take me out of my misery or watch me suffer. Once again, my vision blurred and a sharp pain in my gut made me cry out. _Oh God..._ stomach acid and spit came up and I groaned, clenching my gut. I turned away from him, closing my eyes and feeling my body convulse from pain and the cold. Everything was so vivid, the smell of the old wooden floor, the dim light bulb overhead and the agony... oh, my aching body. The ungodly suffering...  
Something changed. Their was a pressure on my body that was foreign, I opened my eyes and saw the nightmare shifting. He looked over at me, watching me with a disconnected look that said _"I'll see you soon enough"_ and then my eyes opened and light flooded in.

"Charlotte? Baby, wake up...it's okay. It's okay."

I sat up, my back arrow straight and it probably looked like a demon was being exorcised from my damned soul. I turned my head and my frantic eyes rested on the sight of my aunt, dressed in a robe with her soft eyes watching me cautiously. I closed my eyes, my back turning into jelly and relief flooded through me.

"Oh shit. Shit. Shit." I muttered, sinking against the headboard of my bed. "It was all a dream."

"Yes, Char. You're okay." She said this as a statement. _You're okay._ And offered me a rueful smile.

"I'm so sorry I keep waking you up... this has to be the third time this week." I shook my head at myself, self-criticism over taking me and I looked away, turning myself from her.

"Don't do that to yourself," she said sternly. "You're my niece and if that means I have to pull my ass outa' bed for you every once and a while than I will." Her tone was absolute and I was to drained to argue. I nodded sluggishly and she gently patted my knee.

"Thanks, Mags." I muttered, my eyes drooping against my will.

"You're okay, baby. You're okay." I was vaguely aware of her warm body pulling away and leaving my room, keeping the door open so the night light from the hall illuminated a sliver of my bedroom. I exhaled, letting my mind wander and I soon fell asleep.

Mornings were always the hardest. Not just because I get shit sleep but because I would have to face my aunt's very selective cooking. I could smell the burnt raisin toast and under ripe cantaloupe all the way from my bedroom. I sat up slowly, groaning from my kinked neck. The pattering of the rain was now a comforting thing, when I first moved here I was convinced I would wake up one morning with the house sunk three feet into the soggy ground. My aunt still would be singing Everly Brothers and just add the mud to her cereal. My curls stuck to my face in clumps and I sighed, pulling the strands into a braid down my back and stood, getting ready for my day. I was fully dressed in jeans, tucked into boots and a decently thick long sleeved t-shirt, and my hair was tamed and officially bunned. I walked down the hall, shutting off the frightening Dora The Explorer night light and continued into the kitchen, slightly stunned.  
"Mags? What are you?" I eyed her, seeing her lithe body cladded in decent clothing with her red hair in a ponytail instead of lingering in her breakfast. She looked up casually from her food, her blue eyes steady.  
"Your worst nightmare." She didn't hesitate to say. When she saw my eyebrow raise a fraction she shrugged. "Er, second worst nightmare." she amended and I nodded, eyeing the pot of overcooked oatmeal on the stove and decided to skip breakfast. I sat across from her, maybe hoping to get a better explanation of "second worst nightmare" but she remained silent; her humming continued and we sat in silence for most of the morning. My decision to move here with my aunt, in all honesty she was a complete stranger to me, in a small town in Oregon was abrupt. I recalled the conversation my mother had with me, her frail hands wrapped around a chipped coffee mug and she stared at me intently.

"Charlotte," she said slowly and I stilled at the way she said my name. It was like if she was whispering through a delicate layer of glass. "We know it's been hard on you, being a victim of such a... grotesque and inhuman act. But, you're strong, you're a Mecham after all..."  
I zoned out from my mother's pep talk; I couldn't help but feel that these words were somehow meant for her, like if she needed more comfort than I. A part of me resented that of my mother. She was, in all truth, an attention whore. She couldn't help feeding off all the sympathetic pats and words of praise for being the supportive mother, helping her daughter cope with just a travesty. Oh, how I was to young and to ambitious to have been put through so much trauma. I was never thought of as delicate or fragile before the kidnap and molestation; and no one even knew my ambitions in life. "Are you listening, Char?" my mother's eyebrows came together and I blinked out of my thoughts.

"How's Aunt Margaret doing?" I blurted out. My mother stared at me for a moment, her tired mind starting. Then their was the other part of me, the side that knew -regardless of her twisted ways- that my mom was in brutal pain over what happened to me. I could see it weigh down on her every time she stared at me to long, her motherly heart would put her feet in my shoes and she would try and imagine what I was went through. What I was _going_ through and it killed her. Growing up, I was a reckless child. Always getting into trouble and sneaking out. I never understood what the big deal was, I never grasped the concern and adoration a mother would have for a child until after I was found. When she saw me for the first time and she saw her only baby like that... I knew she broke with me, just a little.

"Er, um, she's fine? I know she tried to visit you in the hospital. But, you know, you weren't exactly okay with visits then." She gave an awkward half-chuckle and I nodded quickly, not wanting to talk about that.  
"I know. I think I might visit her."

I think I will always remember the utter look of astonishment when I said those words. Then the visit turned into just a "break" as my mom called it and then that progressed to a permanent living arrangement. Now, I had all my school records transferred over to Berkley High School where I would finish my last god-awful year of school. I wanted to drop out and just live off of Aunt Mags horrible rice pudding but both my aunt and mother pushed me into the corner with high school drop out statistics and articles. It was the one thing they agreed on and were equally determined. I think they both wept over the phone when I finally agreed to get my diploma but it would be here in Oregon, I wouldn't be going back to Colorado. I knew my mother was hurt over my persistence to stay here, but there was something about being away from home that brought me relief. And half the time I was taking care of Mags, which was a nice distraction.

"What's on the agenda for today?" I eyed her nervously, wondering what she was up too.

She shrugged lightly, standing with her plates. "You'll find out soon enough. I would go grab you're coat though, just in case it rains." She smiled sweetly and quickly scrubbed her dishes and began soaking the pot of oatmeal.  
I internally thought about puking up all over the table to get out of whatever soul-crushing thing she had in mind but one, I knew she wouldn't buy it and two, my stomach was empty. Which was another reason I enjoyed my aunt. She was good at letting me do my thing, she understood skipping a couple meals wasn't going to send me into a drastic level of malnutrition. Just the same if I hauled my ass in my room all day; she knew I didn't need an intervention or the "What's wrong? Did I do something?" question game. It was odd I could find solace from a stranger who before the last three months, I only saw maybe five times growing up and was talked about with forced-smiles and quick subject changes. I always figured it was because she didn't go into the family business or more like family "expectations"; becoming a sort of lawyer or politician. My mother barely scrapped by by going into business. My aunt was a different story, she moved out at a young age and refused to be criticized over getting a double major in fine art and history. She works at a museum now, magically finding a perfect job in both of her degrees, and works basically whenever she wants. I liked that part of her, she was horrible at being ordinary and domestic. I wanted to strive to that secretly.

"Would you like to drive?" She dangled the keys in front of me and I nodded, trying my hardest not to rip them out of her hand. Her driving terrified me more than the slight driving anxiety I had. Berkley was your average size town, not a hick small town but it wasn't like Portland either.

"Where am I driving too?" I asked, my mouth pursed sourly and my eyes did this thing when I was pissed or annoyed. I didn't like surprises. And no, it wasn't an outcome of trauma, I just never enjoyed the anticipation.

"Just go left and keep heading straight. I don't want you to know yet." I could hear the excitement in her voice and I took a breath of air and exhaled it slowly. She was a mostly silent passenger, we turned on the radio to some oldies station that she sang too. She wasn't terrible and I was just glad she wasn't on a rant of the Renaissance period. We eventually left Berkley and I as I drove further away from the medium-sized city, the roads grew and so did the houses. I stayed calm, keeping the wheel steady and ignored the cars hovering so close to me or the feeling that I wasn't going fast enough for everyone's liking or that my driving was terrible; I was probably giving some old man a heart attack because I didn't signal long enough for his poor vision to see what I was coming over and oh God, did I just hit a bunny?

"Char, are you okay? You're going slowing down, dear." Mags said, looking over at me curiously. I swallowed and nodded, picking up speed. I shook my panic clear, reaching over and turning up the radio to block out my thoughts.

"Mags... please, please... don't make me do this." I looked over at the building in front of me with horror, the modern front filled with glass windows and perfectly weeded and colorful flowers. Not to mention the nice line of teenagers and kicking children streaming in and out.

"C'mon... you look like a immature brat having a tantrum like this." She scoffed at me and checked her make-up in the reflection of the car next to us. I was currently pressing my forehead against the driver's window and had my back awkwardly arched with my arms limp at my sides.

"Don't make me. Please." I mumbled against the window, my breath fogging the surface.

"Think of this as an welcoming present! You've been with me the entire summer and I haven't gotten you a single thing. Besides, I want you looking hot for your senior year." She turned on me, her one hand on her slender hip and the other one did gestures in the air. She looked amazing. Mags had the slimness of a graceful willow tree but the untamed hair and sass of a super model. She usually had her hair in braided piggy-tails and was covered in oil paint, looking like a artistic poet of some kind, except for the days she worked. I wondered if she got all dolled up today because we were having a girl's day? I looked down at my shoes, the leather worn and the laces trying their hardest to stay together. I tugged at my shirt, the pretty blue color faded and honestly, it wasn't even comfortable anymore. I sighed, standing up like an adult and slummed my shoulders in defeat. Mags tugged affectionately at the odd three inches of baby hair I had in front of my ears and we ventured inside the disgusting mall. Inside the warm air hit us and I patted down my bangs, looking at my feet as we walked forward. My aunt seemed pleased as she eyed all the stores and shops, probably wondering which one she wanted to conquer first. Everything was either covered in lace, beads, obnoxious prints or weed/stupid-teenager-shit propaganda. None of those really screamed me. My aunt continued forward and I followed her with the faith of a blind man. As we roamed by the food court, I saw more young adults and teenagers in clumps. All of them sporting the latest fashion with more of the latest fashion in bags at their sides. Like a shy five year old I sped up and walked a foot away from Mags, hoping to go unnoticed. I exhaled a breath of relief when we made it through and my stomach turned with stress. I immediately noticed how things calmed down being away from the preppy stores and food. I noticed their were more adults on this side of the mall, noted with more tiny children screaming, but I would prefer that than asinine teenagers.

"I came here the other day, just wondering around," Mags began, of course oblivious to how creepy that was. "And I saw this store and thought of you. If you don't like it that's fine, but..." She shrugged, letting her sentence hang and I followed her in. Inside the music was indie and soft, making you instantly comfortable. I wondered, ignoring the bubbly woman's greeting and let my hands touch the soft material of shirts and jeans. The style the store offered was simple, meant for people who lived for layers and comfort. Almost like the mom version of the lumbersexual phase society enjoyed so much. Their were military boots in soft leather and skinny jeans that weren't going to fall apart after two washes. All the relaxed t-shirts and v-necks were in solid earthy or dark colors and the graphic shirts had something like a dream catcher or cat on it. Which was still odd to me but it was better than lace and frills. I saw a section dedicated to scarves, beanies and small hipster pieces of jewelry and I gave a small smile. I was approached timidly by the previous lady but once she saw my pleased look she loosened up again. I probably looked like a mass murderer when I first walked in. I mentally apologized to her as she listed off the back-to-school sales and I listened carefully, taking note of the areas where she pointed out. I timidly looked through the clearance racks and all the "buy one, get one half off!" sections. I had completely forgot about Mags until she returned with several dresses and expensive looking shoes. I frowned immediately and her face fell.

"Don't pout. You heard the lady and I'm positive those are not part of the deal." I turned back to a flowy dark gray shirt made out of I swear kitten fur. After a moment of her cobalt eyes bearing into me, I looked up again and she awkwardly shuffled away, pretending she wasn't putting up the dress to my body. I would be lying if my eyes didn't linger on it. It was solid white cotton, the bust tighter and then it flowed outwards to just above the knees. The bottom part had a slight hankerchief style with an embroidered design. My aunt paused and I swore.

"What is it, Char?" She purred and I ignored her, my face darkening. I grabbed the shirt and went over to the jeans and leggings. I had lost so much weight I didn't know what would fit... I laid a hand on my stomach, touching my hips and thighs. I grab one that seemed decent and asked the friendly employee for a room. My aunt followed me and I pursed my lips, glaring at her and she wiggled her fingers at me.

"Fine. Here." I took the dress and the pair of jeans and shoved my soon-to-be-mine clothes into her arms and shut the door. I jumped, shocked to see another person and than sighed in annoyance when it was just my own ridiculous reflection. Officially uncomfortable, I took off my clothes and slid on the jeans. They were slightly stiff from being new but they felt amazing. I was slightly proud of myself for picking out a pair that fit me right off the bat. I gave a please grunt and folded them back up. I timidly reached for the dress, closing my eyes as I threw it over my body and adjusted the thin layers underneath and the straps that crossed over.

"How's it going? I want to see." Mags whined and I sighed, blushing as I creaked open the door.

"Oh Charlotte..." Her head tilted and she clasped her hands in front of her chest. "You look gorgeous." I turned back into the stall, looking at myself. I was naturally big boned, I used to be much curvier before the incident, but I wasn't eating as much as I should and running on top of that... I'd lost a good twenty pounds this summer, I wasn't surprised with the pants size I ended up being. I touched my stomach again, looking at myself. I'd never been beautiful or really even attractive, I wore mascara with eyeliner on my top lid, trying to bring out my hazel eyes, and tinted chapstick. Acne had always been a problem and I refused to wear any foundation to help reduce it. Most people thought my freckles and constantly blushing cheeks were endearing but I hated it. I did inherent the Mecham's natural curl though; it was just as crazy as my aunt's but dark brown. I was okay with being average; I didn't care what everyone else thought.

"What do you think? I really do enjoy it on you. Makes your rack look on point." My aunt did the okay symbol with her fingers and clicked her tongue. I looked down at my cleavage and immediately slammed the door shut. Mags snickered and I heard her talking to the worker and needed all these clothes rung up. I blanched, quickly changing and stumbled out the room.

"I - I'm not done!" I accidently shouted and my aunt raised an eyebrow.

"Well, go pick out a couple more things then. I'll wait."

I groaned and shook my head. "I was meaning I needed to put some _back._ I don't need all these!" I explained, horrified. Her head rolled her head to the side, looking at me while she handed the confused lady her card.

"And the dress too. Plus these." She grabbed a pair of boots from the shelf, one's she must have caught me drooling over. I looked at her speechless, wondering how I was going to pay her back. I needed to get a job anyways. She just sped up the process. I quickly changed, admiring the soft layers of thin cotton and the embroidered details as the lady folded the dress up with my clothes and misellaneous accessories. I practically got a new wardrobe and I was torn between shutting up and enjoying it or throwing a tantrum. I had my head shamefully bowed when we left, both my hands heavy with cute clothing I adored and I couldn't even enjoy it. My aunt ignored my sulking and headed back. The mall was even crazier, it was around noon and my palms began to sweat at the crowds and the noises everyone made. Scuttling feet, half-shouts, abrupt movements and the energy everyone poured out. I swallowed, looking up at my aunt with a silent plea.

"Oh, I guess you're hungry, huh? You should have ate breakfast." My aunt scolded me and headed over to the food court. I thought I was going to burst into tears.

"Can just go home and eat? Please?" I half-whined, slumping my shoulders. Mags looked behind and thought about it then looked back to the food court.

"But... Chinese food."

"Fine. We're getting it to go though." I muttered and entered the hell hole. The smell actually wasn't bad, the food looked decent and I was slightly hopeful I would stomach this. I waited for Mags to chose between the couple of Chinese options and looked shyly at everyone around me. People ranging between thirteen to about twenty were clumped together, but in very selective groups. I noticed a group of high schooler's in about the center of the area, most of them wearing school merchandise and that was what made me curious. They would be going to school with me in less than a week. From their overconfident gestures and the way they were so absorbed into each other I figured it was okay for me to assume they were on the popular end of the school spectrum. Probably juniors and seniors. Some if the men pulled out a hacky-sack and attempted to teach some of the girls there, no doubt trying to boost their ego in any way possible and I sighed, looking away and thought about what sounded good. When it was us next in line, I ordered chicken eggrolls and orange chicken. I looked over at Mags expectedly and she rolled off something in Chinese and the lady at the register looked surprised as she rang it up. I pulled out my card, my aunt went to argue than decided against it with the look on my face. I was technically only suppose to use it in emergencies but I didn't want her to pay for anything else. I stepped to the side, blissfully proud of myself for not being entirely useless and then heard loud shouts. Everyone looked over at the center tables where someone had kicked the hacky-sack to far and it landed a few feet from me. Next, the attention pressed down on me because I was the closest and had the right of a human being to pick it up and return it. I choked, my face burning as the awkwardness set in. I timidly bent over and grabbed it, and the entire food court exhaled and shrugged it off. I avoided the looks of the people my age as I walked over to their group, feeling my heart pound in my ears and my bangs poked my eyes.

"Sorry about that," a guy -probably the ass who over shot it- seemed just as embarrassed as I did. I glanced up at him, seeing a surprisingly cute face with an Oregon Ducks football jersey tank on and a pair of khaki pants with a designer hole in the knee. "I sometimes get a tad bit into it." He had to be from Native American decent, his skin was tan and he had jet black hair that went to the nape of his neck with a curve in his eye shape. I took a breath, realizing I was holding my breath and took in his cologne.

"You're fine, it was a good kick." I said, taking a moment to appreciate the way I didn't butcher that. His grinned widened and I saw nice white chompers. Wait. Was I being flirty?

"Why thank you. Do you play?" he inquired and I thought how much he looked like a puppy when he said that. In a very non-emasculating way. Just saying.

I looked down at the bean bag in his hands, seeing how beat up it was and shook my head. "Oh no, I'd probably poke someone's eye out." Their were several calls from behind him and I shrunk back a tad, hoping I wasn't being obnoxious or like a crazy girl that his homies were trying to save from. Then he laughed and I froze. Time suspended and I watched his mouth widened more and a very contagious sound came out.

"To be honest, I'm pretty shitty too. I only play to hopefully look cool." He winked at me, in a teasing way and I found myself offering a shy smile and a laugh. What was I doing? Was this real life right now or did I hit my head on a clothing rack and was really suffering a concussion in the hospital? He was good on oh-shit-this-is-getting-awkward cues and spoke again. "I'm Nick, by the way. I go to Berkley High." he leaned against a table next to him, propping his hip against it and more panic rose.

"I'm C-Charlotte, I just moved. Well, not just moved but I'll be the new kid." I explained, biting my cheek to stop me from talking any further. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Cool. Do you enjoy it here? and what school?" he seemed to almost shout out the last question and I shrunk back again. Was he getting angry at me? He saw my trepidation and looked down, embarrassed.

"The rain took a while to adjust too but so far I'm enjoying it and well, I'll be going-" I stopped midsentence, hearing someone call out something alarming, like "Watch out" or "Duck" but between the abrupt pain in the side of my face and me stumbling into a chair, I didn't quit catch it.

"Move it, you stupid asshole's!" Mags was at my side within microseconds and I looked up, dazed.

"I'm okay," I murmured, looking at the several unknown faces around me. "What hit me?" I blinked back the tears, hoping to keep my shit together. It wasn't even from the pain, I just felt like a fool.

"I'm so sorry, girl! I meant to hit Nicky and you were in the way."

"Bullshit, you just have a shitty aim, bruh."

"Shut up!"

I shook my head, clearing my thoughts and stood. "It's fine." I groaned and shooed away the nosy people. "I'll be going now." I half-hoped Nick would magically show up but as I scanned the crowd, I knew that was just a one time thing. Mags watched me hold back my tears as we left, the conversation and laughter picking back up and I was immediately forgotten about. I told myself I would never go back out into society again.

"I can't believed you got a shoe thrown at you." Mags fumed as she patted at the scratch on the side of my face with her essential oil. I shrugged, sighing.

"It's seriously okay. I'm over it, I'm accident prone even when I'm standing still."

"Eh, fidgeting is more appropriate."

"Huh? Ouch." I winced at she pushed to hard. It was definitely going to bruise.

"You said you were standing still but awkwardly shuffling your feet and pushing your hair out of your face isn't _really_ being still."

I blanched, feeling my previous embarrassment rise up again. "I looked like a fool."

"No, it was kinda cute," she smiled at me softly, her eyes warm. "I was into it just as much as buffo-Indian guy was." She winked and threw away the cotton ball. My paling face reversed and I looked away.

"He was just being polite." I muttered, standing up. She had tried to bring him up every chance she got. I didn't want her to know that I was secretly excited for school and maybe it was because of him? I hated myself for being so weak and faint-hearted. I just thought he was nice, a good person to talk too. He wasn't totally revolted by me and I didn't think he was too bad... "I'm going to do the dishes." I walked away, needing a distraction or my mind was going to go crazy.  
I filled the sink with dish soap and warm water, scrubbing the dishes and I tried not to think to hard. The kitchen was done in a very loft-style; the cement counter tops -which I'd never seen before- the black vintage cupboards and the exposed duct and pipe work on the ceiling and walls. Their was a bar in the corner, made from mismatched scraps of brick -most with chunks missing- and paint covered metal stools she stole from the school she use to work for as revenge. The counter was a nice slab of black granite and behind it was a very extreme range of alcohol. Some illegally imported from Japan and Mexico. The rest of the house kind of stuck with the art-studio-in-Brooklyn feel; out in the living room were aged pieces of furniture and leather couches. The floor was textured cement but with a massive bohemian rug thrown on top to save your feet and the wall facing the front of the house had brick coming up to your waist that matched the bar. All of the light fixtures were metal and very contemporary, giving the place a art museum display kind of feel and it basically was. Canvases and nicely framed piece's hung on the walls, most of them either still life's from her days of studying abroad or gifts from fellow artists. Occasionally their was one with a nipple or side-dick hanging out that made me slightly blush but I still found all of the paintings or drawings beautiful and calming. She had more downstairs, the one's she valued a tad bit more I suppose and even a collection at the museum they displayed every couple years to highlight local artists.  
My room wasn't as moody and artistic as the rest of the house. I had actual carpet and a balcony with a _Romeo and Juliet_ vibe. Their was my queen size been set on a DIY platform and a handmade headboard as well. I had my own bookshelf, filled with worn paperbacks from the used book bins in stores and from miscellaneous yard sales, and a writing desk that sat next to it with my current reading book on it and notebooks filled with random poems and short stories. The desk was antique and Mags had to fight to the death at some auction for it only to realize she didn't have room for it in her bedroom. I was "holding onto it" until she figured something else out. My dresser sat on the opposite wall filled with clothes I now had to either send home or put in storage. I felt like a brat and a tad bit like a traitor to my usual practical ways. My old clothes were still functioning; just because they were deemed old in the fashion world didn't require a new wardrobe. And I knew my aunt wanted to just spoil me, kind of like when you take in a stray kitten and you buy it the best food and a shit ton of squeaky toys? I forced myself to stay thankful and reminded myself that all of it was on clearance anyways and saved a lot of money. I did have a few other decorations as well, on my wall -hung on twine with mini-clothespins- were black and white printed photos of my own adventures; like when I visited California with friends last summer or when my mom and I went to top-notch designer store and tried on all the hideous dresses. I also had a lamp that sat on my nightstand.

"Char? How do you feel about dogs?" she called from the hallway, coming into the kitchen. I set the dishes on the drying mat, giving her a look.

"Eh. I prefer cats." I shrugged, wondering what she was thinking. She mused over it for a bit, looking at her phone and then back to a spot behind me.

"You come off as a cat person," she nodded. "My friend's dog just had puppies and she's looking for good homes. Would you want to go over there tomorrow?" she raised an eyebrow and I shrugged.

"Sure. I also need to get applications while we're out too." I decided, knowing if I didn't do it soon I wouldn't at all. My life struggles.

"Mmk, you should check online. See if anyone locally is looking." Berkley was an average, medium city. Not small enough to be considered a hick town where everyone knew each other but not a big city either, like Portland. And it was about an hours drive from the coast, which was a plus. I headed to my bedroom after I cleaned the kitchen, opening my laptop to check my emails. I got a few from my mom, which was typical and a couple from my aunt and uncle, who treated me more like a younger sister than a niece. I responded to all of them, keeping them up on my boring life and told them about the mall and the shoe story. I went to say "Nick" than put "some guy" instead. I drifted on the internet for a while, bouncing back from one thing after another. It was more of a way to feel connected to the world more than anything, to see people's lives progress and everything constantly being updated. I lived such a steady life, it felt like I was slowly rotting away. I missed the old me, I realized when I put the laptop away and laid on my bed. I was reckless sure, always giving my mother something to bitch and worry about, but I never had this... hollowness in my chest before. This craving in my chest cavity that began to stir well past my aunt had gone to bed and midnight had long been gone. The bastard had took something from me. And I wanted it back.


	2. Chapter 2 Match Maker

Chapter. 2

The river water was in my lungs again, I opened my mouth to scream, to wake myself up from this death and suddenly my eyes flew open. I gasped, hearing something next to me ring and everything was so still. I groaned, taking deep breaths and my phone chirped, signaling I had missed a call. I sat up, my body tense from the nightmare and a wave of exhaustion hit me. I hadn't slept good all week, I just needed a couple more hours to-

"Goood morning!" Mags peaked her head in and then darted back out. I groaned, pulling the covers off to see I had slept in my clothes. Again. I grimaced and grabbed my towel, needing a shower desperately. I ignored her good mood humming and shut the bathroom door behind me, hopefully she didn't try to have a conversation with me again through the door. Last time it was about Bambi. I started the shower, looking at my drained face in the mirror. My eyeliner looked horrifying and my eyelashes were probably all going to fall off if I kept sleeping with my make-up on as well. I gently removed all of it off, my head bobbing from trying to keep it up. I said screw it and turned my shower into a bath. I shut off the bathroom light, so only the morning light crept in through the tinted window. I added a couple drops of lavender to the water and undressed. I touched my stomach, feeling the bumps along my skin and closed my eyes, sighing against the pain that drifted over my groggy mind. My other hand reached halfway up my back and touched the unevenness across my back. All of the marks on my body, all of them equally carrying the weight of my past. Half of me, no matter how illogical, hoped they go away with all the weight I lost. Like if they'd somehow melt back into my skin or melt away with the fat. I began to sob as I sat in the warm water, the essential oil no comfort. And to think I use to get upset over stretch marks. After a while of trying to block memories and silently crying, I gave in and drifted off again.

The pounding on the door made me jolt forward and I gasped, my hands shooting out of the water to protect myself. I looked around, a moment of perplexity made me forget where I was. The knocking continued and I sagged again the tub, remembering I was with my aunt.

"Yes?" I croaked, clearing my throat, sitting up and rubbing my face.

"Just making sure you were all right! Breakfast is ready when you are." Mags called and walked away. I groaned, standing up from the water and felt like I weighed a ton. I wrapped a towel around my body, quickly walking back into my bedroom and saw the bag of clothes sitting patiently in the middle of my floor. I sighed, knowing I had to sort through my dresser and decide what I was giving up to compensate for the new ones. I changed into old sweats and a tank top, going to work. It was a good distraction for the exhaust I felt. Maybe I would give in and take some of Mags sleeping medication. Insomnia was a family thing but I hated the thought of being medicated. I was suspicious of doctors, but maybe I needed to give in. I sorted through the clothes I had since sophomore year, knowing they were the first to go.

"Hey! I called my friend, did you still want to go see the puppies?" Mags poked her head in, looking at my numerous piles of clothing. She giggled and sat next to me. I sighed, trying to decide which piles to get rid of.

"Your mother use to hoard clothes like this too. The rest of us kids would always complain, thinking she was spoiled more. But it was just because she took care of her shit." She chuckled, picking up a pair of pants. She looked at the size and then back to me.

"Yeah, I know." I said before she could. "I got the Brunson body." I sighed for the second time. My aunt and mother had the Mecham's slimness, I always wished I inherited my mom's side of the family more than my birth father. They were on the shorter side, more thicker and strong. The Brunson's had the quick temper and rebel streaks, from what my mom told me. None of the passive-aggressive, avoiding-confrontation shit my mother's family possessed.

"They're beautiful people, Char. Be proud of your genes." She smiled at me and I blushed, looking back at my dresser.

"We can go see them, I wouldn't mind a break." I admitted, standing up. Mags clapped her hands, thrilled and skipped -literally- down the hall. I grabbed my heather grey cardigan, it was baggy and I had to roll up the sleeves so I didn't look like a five-year-old wearing her mom's clothing. I put on some Jesus-looking sandals and figured I looked decent. It was probably one of my aunt's kooky bar friends and I didn't need to look like I gave a crap if it was just puppies. I headed out in the living room, waiting for my aunt to finish brushing her teeth. She came out, her hair pulled back with mascara. I eyed her suspiciously and we went to the car. She drove, which meant I could pick the music. I pulled out my phone and the aux cord, and the car was engulfed in sweet melodic dubstep and alternative indie rock. My aunt gave me an odd look and I smiled back. She listened -a song by the Eden Project- and slowly nodded, deciding she liked it. The drive was longer than I expected and slowly my groggy mind drifted off again.

 _My brain was on fire. The rushing water that pulled my body underneath was nonexistent, my scrambling limbs or my blurred vision didn't matter. My brain was screaming at me, everything was utter panic. I felt like my mind was scrambled, the water rushing into me and devouring my being. Oxygen was stripped of my self, and my throat was caught in some device and my lungs were bursting to the brim with the water I sucked down. I didn't want this, somewhere in the back of my melting mind, my voice was yelling at me. You did this... You did this. I did this. I was barely aware of my own self, my thoughts and actions were pointless, nothing conscious existed. Except for the inferno blazing inside me, stuffing itself down my throat and into my lungs, filling up the thousand little tunnels and one-cell thick air sacks. And then suddenly it stopped. And I was frighteningly cold. Everything inside me was floating in the freezing void, I was confused. What had I done? I vaguely felt my body; all I knew is it was being caressed by darkness. My brain was no longer fighting, and after the fire, their was nothing left. I felt a throbbing inside my chest but where was it going? I was fading, my arms and legs were gone. Everything stopped floating. I was tumbling down under, I couldn't think about anything. It was so silent. And the pulsing inside me was almost out and I knew that was wrong. No matter though, I was nothing and everything was gone..._ I didn't know how death worked but I was pretty sure it wasn't this. I felt warmth, something on me and a vague sense of dreaming. My eyes peeled open and I saw blurred images and knew this was what a car in motion was like. What?

"Charlotte, wake up!" Sound hit me like a train and I sat up, looking around. My aunt's face was pinched together in panic that eased as I stared at her in confusion.

"We're driving, remember? To see puppies." She cleared her throat, taking a breath.

"Oh God... I'm sorry. I'm okay." I promised, rubbing my face. The nightmare faded away, back into my subconscious for a later time and I exhaled, my hands shaking.

"They've been getting worse lately. I think you might need to set an appointment up with Dr. Isaac..." She whispered, her tone darker as she talked to me, like coaxing a child to sleep.

"I dunno," I slurred, trying to focus. "Maybe. I'm just tired, that's all." I murmured. I saw my aunt press her lips together and I knew she was trying not to push me.

"You do what you have to do." She said, turning down a neighborhood. They were definitely upper class and I wondered what friend this was. I went to check my make-up and realized I wasn't wearing any. I grew uncomfortable, my appearance suddenly bothering me. Even though I knew it didn't matter, regardless of wealth, people were people and I had a general distaste for them all. She pulled over, parking behind a Cadillac. I took a breath, controlling my anxiety. Why did I always agree to her random ideas? I didn't even like dogs. We both got out of the car, my aunt eyed me worriedly and I ignored her. The house in front of us was less intimidating than the others, with a nice flower bed and a porch swing. Mags knocked on the door and my social anxiety rose. We heard footsteps and the unlocking of the door and my aunts face radiated excitement as the door opened. I was shocked to see a man, in his late thirties step outside and warmly embraced her. My eyebrows shot up, watching the two chat and the look of dazzle on my aunt's face. This was going to be interesting. As an after thought, my aunt turned towards me and gestured with her hand.

"Dustin, this is my niece Charlotte, I told you about her the other day." She beamed and I had a look of shock before I clumsily shook his hand and ignored the rattle of words he said to me. I smiled and nodded. _She talked about me?_ Perplexed, he invited us in and the warmth from inside made me realize how cold I was. Inside, had a cabin feel to it. Very rustic and outdoors-y but tasteful. The floors were solid wood, the couches hunter green with a fur throw on top and on the walls and shelves were beautiful paintings of wildlife and the forest or porcelain figurines of wolves and elk. The floor plan was open, leaving no space between the living room and kitchen and the ceiling was high and domed. To the right were stained wooden stairs that traveled upwards; you could see the second floor from above the kitchen that made a balcony. Dustin had us follow him into the kitchen, offering snacks and drinks.

"So, this is your last year of high school I hear." He turned towards me, his grey-ish blue eyes looking at me with sincere curiosity. _Damn you small talk_.

"Er, yes is it. I'll be exited to get it over with." I said dryly, taking a sip of my bottled root beer.

He smiled at that, nodding. "The pressure on you kids nowadays is crazy. Do you know what you want to do afterwards?" He continued and I paused, my introverted brain focusing on my answer.

"It's a process." I mumbled and I was relieved when my aunt jumped in.

"I know the high school she's at has a day where the state colleges come and give presentations. Maybe that'll give her some perspective." She offered and smiled softly at me. I nodded, agreeing with that. Dustin talked about his senior year of high school, how he lost all of his "cool" friends for going into chemical engineering. Now he's making 80K plus a year and is debt free. I looked around his house, maybe expecting to see a girlfriend pop up but the cozy-manly look had no feminine touches at all. Mags eyed me suspiciously, seeing my eyes scan the house and I smiled at her sweetly.

"What high school? I know this area has quit a few." He chuckled, the sound warm and masculine.

"Berkley High." I responded and his eyes lit up again. He was very attractive, he looked like those men on whiskey commercials. Charming crows feet, trimmed facial hair, tussled push-backed hair and perfect teeth. Plus he seemed very sweet and genuine.

"Hey! I have a nephew going there. He's very smooth with the ladies," he winked and I colored. "You'll definitely know him, he'll go by Donnie." He smiled and I nodded, doubting it. If he looked anything like his uncle and was most likely popular with the ladies, then no thanks. My mind wondered to Nick but I slapped myself internally and focused on the conversation. I ended up sitting on a bar stool with my aunt and Dustin, listening to their discussions and would occasionally throw in my two cents and answer questions directed at me. I had no idea if my aunt told him about my social no-go or if he was honestly this open and talkative. Hell, I was starting to have sympathetic romantic feelings the longer I looked at my aunts swooning face. I would catch him staring at her a tad bit to long and I wondered how long they would stay "friends". Maybe that's why she tagged me along, so I could give my feedback on him later. I paid more attention to him as we talked, taking notes like a professional match-maker. I wondered how weird it would be if Mags got a boyfriend. Her time would be split between work or with him. Would he come over to our house too? I tried to imagine them cuddling underneath a blanket, watching Nexflix together. I couldn't imagine her with someone; I don't know, she seemed so content with being by herself. She did have her sad days though, where I would have to pretend I didn't hear her choking on her sobs in the other room. I would make her favorite cookies, to show her that I was sorry she was so sad. But we never talked about it, I never pushed her and she never pushed me. Loneliness was such a hollow thing and I suddenly wanted her to be with someone. Hopefully Dustin.

"Well, if you guys are ready, let's go upstairs and see these puppies!" Dustin exclaimed, he seemed more excited than we did. Mags jumped up, waiting for me to hop down -yes, hop- and head up the stairs. We passed the balcony and I looked over the railing, seeing the kitchen and living room perfectly. I followed them through the hall and I smiled, hearing tiny barks and yips from the door at the end of the hallway. Dustin caught my grin with a radiant smile back and I shyly looked away, waiting for the door to open. Mags squealed happily as they entered, I slowly came in eyeing the pups cautiously. They were adorable with different colorations and wagging tails. I wasn't a dog expert but they looked pitbull to me. I watched them swarm around Dustin and my aunt. Between the cuteness from the puppies and the hard shipping I was doing with Mags and her "friend", I felt like taking a picture. I reached for my phone and suddenly realized it was still at home, on my nightstand. I frowned, cussing myself out.

"What's wrong?" My aunt asked in a baby voice as she held a puppy up to her face. Unexpectedly, I felt pressure on my foot and I looked down, seeing a furry little thing biting at my sandal. I tsked and lightly pushed it over, itching it's belly with my toe.

"It's nothing. I just forgot my phone, that's all." I gave her a reassuring smile and itched the puppies ears and neck. He seemed content with me for the rest of the visit, even though his brother's and sister's got more attention from the other two, he enjoyed chilling with me. When it was silent and no one had a lot to say, I asked about the mother.

"She was hit by a damn truck, losing two of the puppies too. We were able to save these guys though. That one right there actually has some brain damage; he has depth perception issues along with mobility. Everything else seems fine." I looked down at him, unknowingly running my hand down his back. My heart broke a little, understanding what it meant to have something unrightfully striped of you.

"There's nothing wrong with being damaged." I murmured, my chest cavity growing heavy. My aunt eyed me, concerned and Dustin politely dismissed my odd comment. They talked about lighter things and I pulled away from the conversation, my thoughts swimming in darker waters.

"Char?" I shot my head up, looking over at my aunt with raised eyebrows.

"I'm sorry... what was the question?"

Dustin chuckled and looked at me more directly. "I was wondering how the job hunting was going." He repeated and I thought about it for a moment.

"It's uh, long process." I avoided getting application today, I knew my determination to find one to repay my aunt back for the clothes and gas I've wasted, should have increased but I had a rock-hard pit in my stomach every time I thought about it.

"Well, if your down with being covered in sweat and scrubbing toilets, my family owns a couple hotels in this area, if you'd be interested." He raised his eyebrow at me, like if he was tempting me with a lollipop. My aunt looked over at me cautiously, wondering how I would react to his offer. I was stubborn on finding a job that I wanted and several times before I had snapped at her for bringing home applications or someone's card. I didn't want to be viewed as incompetent or incapable to find a decent job. I took a breath and cooled my indignation. I politely shook my head and gave him a half-smile.

"I'll keep that in mind but I'm good." I said and he respectfully dropped the subject. I admitted the job did sound tempting, it would be a weekend job and it didn't call for a lot of interaction. Maybe I would take him up on the offer later.

We stayed in the room for another hour or so, occasionally the puppy at my side would wander off and I saw what Dustin meant earlier. He would easily trip over his own feet and run into objects. I prayed he would get better and find a home that loved and supported his needs. I didn't know when we were leaving but my aunt seemed to be thoroughly enjoying herself. I knew we weren't staying here all day but I admitted I was getting antsy. If I had known she had a thing for the guy I would have brought something to read. I got up, brushing off the puppy hair and my aunt looked up at me.

"I'm just heading downstairs for a drink, I'll be back." I gave her a wink and she looked at me, giving me a " _what was that for?"_ look and shook her head at me. I wanted to tell her their was no need to be coy but I knew that would make Dustin ask questions. I shut the door behind me, hearing their voices and laughter muffle behind it. It felt weird being in someone else's house without them around but I knew they needed some space. Hopefully, he would make a move on her while I was "getting a drink" which meant awkwardly sitting in his living room with nothing to do.

I sighed and headed to the bottom level, once again taking in the pleasant outdoorsy-theme he had. I sat into the deep green couch, the material soft but the actual cushion was stiffer than anticipated. He didn't have a lot of people over to wear them in. Or they didn't stay long enough to do so. I looked around, spotting framed pictures from the mantel over the fireplace. Pausing, I slowly stood up, their smiles calling to be looked at. I walked over, holding my breath even though I knew he was upstairs hopefully making a move on my aunt. Odd thing to hope for. I shook my head and preceded, my lips immediately lifting as I gazed at them. He was obviously a family man. From the looks, it was huge too. Some were professionally taken, just with him and immediate family. Only boy with proud looking parents and mischievous looking sisters. Others were a massive glob of people, cousins, aunts, uncles, and the in-laws. Others were more special, random snaps of people -maybe some were friends- framed and intimate. Probably displayed without permission from some of the interesting facial expressions. I picked up two people, a definite constant throughout the groupings of photo's, a boy and a girl, obviously brother and sister from how much they looked a like. There was a steady amount of the pair, in chronical order they were placed from birth and -assuming- to present times. You could see the boy, as a chubby baby into childhood. His serious expressions while looking into the camera even as a child. The awkward gangly limbs of being a preteen, the bad attitude and acne markings on his forehead. Then puberty. He shot up two feet and gained muscle, a glint of confidence and mystery behind his intense blue eyes. The girl had similar progress, her personality definitely more outgoing though in comparison, her photo's coming more willing and her teeth perfect and bright. They couldn't be Dustin's though. I looked around, the house having no impression of two teenagers -maybe the boy in college now- and plus usually parents brag or at least bring up their children. And Mag's didn't say anything. I reached the end of the mantel, the last few photos were individual photos of him and a sister. Then it went him and the two kids, all grown up. Dustin had a strong arm around the boy's shoulder, holding the camera up and grinned like a fool, snow in the background with a scarf and a nice winter coat. The boy, a man at this point and full grown, wore a NEFF brand beanie, a dark plum color and the first ear-splitting smile I had seen in all the pictures. They could be father and son, the chiseled looks and dark hair, as well as the bond they had was unquestionable. Something pinched in my side, a twinge of pain and I turned away, refusing to look at the one with the girl and him.

I continued walking, looking at the wildlife paintings and figurines. I could see him as a hunter, all in camouflage with a gun in hand. I shivered away from the last part, not accustomed to being around weapons. I wondered if I could go upstairs, I listened intently, hoping to catch any giggling. A knock suddenly echoed into the silence and I jumped, my hand coming down hard on the end table next to me and I swore under my breath. The knock came again, more impatient and I heard footsteps from upstairs and a door opening, the puppy barks echoing. I pulled away, going into the kitchen, my aching hand having a nice size cut along the palm. I heard Dustin's voice, muttering something about being impolite and then he paused. I could feel his eyes on me as I put my hand under cold water.

"Is everything okay?" he asked, his voice filling up the kitchen. I slowly nodded, swallowing my embarrassment. The knock pounded again and he hesitantly left.

"Good lord, Dustin! I almost had to bust this thing down. God." The person at the door swore, her footsteps loud and I hunched my back more, burying my face into the sink as far as it would go without looking like I was drinking from it.

"I told you to come over around dinner." Dustin sighed, lightly irritated. "I have guests." He added and I knew they were looking at me. Before I combusted of social pressure, I heard another set of familiar footsteps and relief flooded through me as my aunt gave a happy little greeting. I watched the stained water run off my hand and into the drain, listening to the introductions.

"This is my sister, Carmon. She, unfortunately, just lives right down the street from me." He said with a joke in his tone. Carmon did a mocking laugh and Mag introduced herself and then called into the kitchen, straightening my back.

"Come here and meet Dustin's lovely sister." I could feel Carmon's head swell from the compliment, her ego filling up the room. Dustin didn't seem so cocky, more confident -admittedly a tad bit charming- which I was relieved he didn't get. I awkwardly turned around, wondering what I could do about my bleeding hand. Everyone eyed me strangely and I was choked for words. After a pause my aunt cut in and walked over, her face perplexed with the running water and the fear stuck on my face.

"Oh my," her eyes widened, her maternal side peeping out and she examined my hand. "Dustin do you have a rag we can use and some band aids? the bigger ones." She took control and I didn't complain. The knot of anxiety unraveled and I breathed. I wasn't squirm-ish around blood, I think it was the stress of asking for help or showing weakness and the arrival of a stranger triggered more anxieties. My hand was instantly taken care of, I knew Dustin wanted to know what the hell had happened but my off-stand-ish behavior made him wait. I looked over at Carmon, she seemed uptight but oddly friendly at the same time. She obviously enjoyed getting under her older brother's skin. I looked back at all the family photo's. She was the one who always looked glamourous, an attractive male at the family gatherings. Definitely one of the younger ones.

"What's your name again?" she asked, searching my face like if she was taking it into memory. She had the same grey-blue eyes, maybe a tad brighter, or it was the perfect smoky make-up that made them more piercing. Her face was overall very beautiful, in that model sort of perfection. Tall, in pumps and a professional dress suit. I guessed lawyer, she had the air of the ladies at my grandparents law firm.

"I'm Charlotte, it's nice to meet you." I extended my hand and she shook it, almost caught off guard with my manners. She pulled back and walked away, wondering around the house.

"So where are the babies at?" She chirped after a moment, the spotlight falling on her again. She looked so excited, that friendliness peeking through. Dustin got up from the kitchen bar and I saw a hand linger on Mag's shoulder, excusing himself as he showed his younger sister upstairs, her hands clasped with joy. Mag's eyed me worriedly, talking before I could get a chance to tease her about the attractive Dustin.

"What happened baby?" She murmured, letting the affectionate name drop from her lips from worry. I looked down at my wrapped hand, the band aids taut against the throbbing cut. I admitted I was embarrassed to explain.

"I... hit it on that end table," I muttered, feeling my cheeks heat. "I jumped and got it on the corner when Carmon knocked." It felt weird using her name casually in a sentence when I didn't know her.

" _Tsk_ ," she muttered and gently patted it. "So accident prone. You just hurt your knee last week." She chuckled ruefully, her eyebrows still pulled together in concern. I half-laughed and shrugged. A shout rang out from upstairs and we both paused and gave each other wide eyed looks.

"What was that about?" I asked. It went quiet after that. Maybe she was naturally hot headed too. I couldn't cope with shouting, not after how long I put up with it back home. Not _at_ me, but around me and in the rooms and outside. I wanted to go home. I was getting antsy. _Should I ask her if we can leave?_ I asked myself worriedly, twisting the ring on my finger. I looked over at her, wondering if I could sense any impatience or if I was just projecting my feelings and over searching things. I could talk about Dustin now that we got my hand out of the way. But if I get her in the car, she would be more vulnerable. I felt like a snake waiting to strike. I shook my head, my eyes falling on the mantel.

"He sure does have a big family. Is photography a hobby for him?" I asked, coaxing her to talk about him. She didn't need to think and automatically responded.

"In a way, he's always snapping pictures. He'll take them of nature and people especially," she looked at the mantel. "He loves his family and that's probably just favorites. I bet he has a box full of them underneath his bed."

"Sweet, that's a good thing. No wife or kids of his own?" I inquired. Her face fell the slightest, her eyes going back in time. Why did she never mention him before to me? Granted, she never invited a lot of people over to begin with but I had gotten good at remembering names. She never mentioned a Dustin before.

"He was married. She died in an accident a few years ago. He moved and built this place afterwards." She explained shortly and I saw the compassion she had for him. I wonder if she saw the way he looked at her. And vice versa.

"It's a lovely home." I commented, feeling melancholy at what she said about the death of a wife and then building a house to somehow live without her. That certainly put a brake on things. I looked over at my aunt, seeing her content in his house and her face was still in another place in time.

"How long have you guys been friends?" _Friends_ , I scoffed internally. I was going to be surprised if they didn't have some sort of romantic history. She thought about it, holding up her fingers to count.

"Let's see. I met him in college..." she muttered to herself. _College!_ she didn't see the shock on my face because she was so lost in thought. Damn her and her technicalities. Voices echoed above us and footsteps followed. It distracted her and she got up, wondering over to the bottom of the steps. I didn't even have to know Dustin was right there, the look on her face said it all.

"What did you think?" He asked her, his sister plopping down on the couch, taking off her heels and putting them orderly against the couch's side. She was staying for a longer visit. I really hoped that didn't involve us. I was worried about that shout we had heard. Dustin seemed relaxed and Carmon made no point of leaving. I wondered why they needed introductions. No way were they friends since college and _this_ was the first time meeting his sister. I admitted I was curious, I wanted to know why she made Dustin unintentionally secretive. My aunt was naturally a private person, I knew very little about her life. She wasn't one to reminisce and tell stories. I knew that was probably a reflex, a habit from being on her own for so long. But I knew deep down that was getting to her. She wanted a partner, someone to commit to. She was successful and independent. She didn't need a man but that was the very reason why she did. Mag's wasn't dying for attention or love. But it made her all the more deserving of it. I decided in that moment I was going to get her a man -Dustin at the top of that list- and made it concrete.

"Hmm, they sure were cute," Mags responded but her focus turned to me. Of course she wanted one. "What do you think, Char?" she asked, using her poker face so I wouldn't see the hope in her eyes and become biased.

I nonchalantly shrugged and then thought of something. "I dunno. Maybe we could come back and visit them again? I'm still pretty indecisive." Would she call my bluff? I may have issues, but making up my mind on things was not one of them. I rarely had to double think on anything. Moving here on an impromptu thought was prof of that. I didn't hesitate, unless their would be extreme complications, I made up my mind in a quick manner. I didn't want a puppy, that required time and dedication. Mostly on my part, Mags worked to much and she would only want it for the cuddles and affection (she soon would get that from something more closely DNA related) and I would have to end up training the damn thing. Also, it would be alone during the day. You couldn't do that to a puppy. I tried my best to look torn and Mags slowly bought it.

"Would it be okay if we came over again?" She asked and Dustin immediately nodded, leaning in.

"Don't hesitate. I enjoy the company." He gave his blazing grin to my aunt and I did cheer claps and jazz hands inside my head. I thought I saw my aunt looked stunned for a moment before she regained composure.

"Great. I'll call you," she looked down, adjusting her purse before gesturing for me to come over. "We have to get going." I basically speed walked over, standing by the door. We said our goodbyes, I gave him a shy smile and a half wave to Carmon who smiled at us and waved back. I strangely liked her. I always was drawn to more independent woman. Whether it was because I saw my old self in them or it was something I lacked in my own mother. We walked outside, the sun swelling behind the light clouds and barely-there sprinkle. I drove going home, my aunt lost in thought. I wanted to ask her more about Dustin but I had to keep myself cool. Do nothing that was unlike me. My thoughts wondered to Nick - thinking of things that were unlike me- like flirting and talking. I hated the tightness I got in my stomach and the smile on my face when I thought about him. I touched the spot on my temple, the pain hardly there unless I thought about it, remembering the shoe thing. I grew more worried, thinking about the cramped hallways and unfamiliar faces reuniting with other unfamiliar faces. I would be the odd one out, looking around with a daze on my face and trying not to get in the way of the original clicks and groups. I think I could cope with being the only one alone at the lunch tables and having my nose in a book. But being the center of attention... every new kid, regardless of the size of school, was always called to attention in the hallways and classrooms. We reeked awkwardness and that step behind everyone else, our eyes scanning the school map and the neon sign on our backs saying, "I'm cute and friendly... please don't eat me" made us beyond obvious. It was the people themselves and the spotlight being put on me for the first few weeks that made me nauseous. I let out an unintentional sigh, my stomach turning. Between schoolwork and trying not to die from social anxiety, I didn't have time to be daydreaming about a boy. A boy -this realization hitting me like a tidal wave- who was apart of the cool kids. He was one of the kids playing hacky-sack, trying to boost his ego in anyway possible. I remembered walking past that group, seeing the tight involvement between them, the superior's of the school. Ridiculous but true. I never had a chance with him. Even if he did defy the popular stereotype, only in books and movies did someone leave all of their friends to be with the wierdo. He would be polite, acknowledge me in the halls but soon after I would just be a girl who got a shoe chucked at her face by accident. It surprisingly stung how he left me when that happened, my aunt coming to my rescue and saving me from further embarrassment.  
I pulled in, seeing our quaint middle-class home and tension that I hadn't realized was inside me suddenly loosened. I sighed, both of us walking in, the house quiet and comfortable. Mags plopped down on the leather couch, reaching for the remote to turn on Nexflix. I was taken off guard from her silence. Was it Dustin? She turned on _Friends_ and before I ended up binge watching three seasons, I went to my room. I figured she needed some space with whatever thoughts she was wrestling. I entered my room, seeing my phone blink with notifications. I groaned, sitting on my bed and squeezed my eyes shut. I could just imagine ten texts from my mother, threatening me to drag my ass back home herself so she could personally beat it. I opened one eye, looking at my screen and found only two messages. One from my grandmother, asking me about how I was doing and the other one saying I was due for an upgrade.

"Huh." I muttered, relieved I didn't have to report back to my mother. I looked at my floor, seeing the somewhat-sorted piles of clothes. I usually didn't procrastinate, especially with a mess, but I had lost the dedication. I pulled opened my laptop, checking my email. None from my Aunt Cecil -my mother's sister- or my Uncle Shawn, her dorky husband. They were the only two out of the family I really enjoyed being around, during family get-togethers and holidays, I mostly stuck with them. She was the closest thing I had to a sibling, being the youngest out of my mothers siblings, she kind of got away from the pressure to go into the family business of law or anything else that was equally as professional and high-key. I thought it'd be great if they came up with Mom for Thanksgiving, getting away from all that noise, but I had no idea how the sister-relationship was between Mags and Cecil. Cecil must have been just a kid when Mags -the oldest- left and I wondered how she would react if I asked. I didn't know much about Mags past, just the little comments and remarks from cousins and my grandparents. My mom kept her head bowed, not saying anything. Cecil and Shawn were to wasted at this point to add anything, if they knew anything at all.  
I left my room hours later, heading into the kitchen. I recalled only having a soda and some crackers and cheese at Dustin's. My stomach gurgling as I opened the fridge and pulled out the Chinese food from yesterday. I popped mine in the oven on a cookie sheet, along with Mags, knowing she would be hungry. Out in the living room, my aunt was passed out on the couch with the TV long since being shut off. I took the bottle of wine and half full glass, putting it away. Her eyebrows were furrowed together, her slack lips slightly switching. Her wild hair had escaped from the hair tie, letting sections fall on the pillow and on her mouth. Cecil and her would get along, I knew it for sure. And my mother took some time to unthaw from her quiet and stingy shell. After that, she was golden. What had happened? She was so self-reliant, probably from moving out the moment she graduated. I never complained taking care of her, when she would stumble home from being at the bar with friends. It was the few times I could touch someone, taking off her shoes and feeling her warm skin underneath the make-up removing wipe I had. Letting her giraffe legs wobble and lean on me as I tucked her into bed. She always would be rambling off in Chinese, one of the few things I knew about her past. She had the opportunity to teach and paint over in China, living there for a few years. It always made me laugh; she was a fun drunk. It never clicked with her hungover mind the next morning that I let her drunk-self touch me, hugging on my body and grabbing my face and shaking it, and I never brought it up. It felt nice for some reason. Plus I got to care for her, showing through my actions how much she meant to me. I was so horrible with words, I could never let them come out the way I wanted.

I walked over to Mags poking her sleeping form with my finger. I was pretty sure she wasn't going to sleep at all tonight, taking such a long nap. She jumped, startled from being woken up, her eyes bloodshot. How much wine did she have? "Hey, I'm warming up leftovers, okay?" She focused her eyes, smiling at me and stretching. Good nap.

"Otay." She groaned, rolling on her back and sighed, blinking up at the ceiling.

"Were you tired or something?" I called from the kitchen, flipping over the egg rolls. The smell made me almost take it out and eat it half-way cold.

"Hmm," she grunted, thinking. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Of course she'd have to think if she was tired or not. "Yeah. I think Dustin naturally sucks my energy dry when I'm around him." She responded back, offering that lovely piece of information.

"Maybe it's his charming smile and contagious laugh?" I said, putting a heavy question mark at the end, straining the question.

"Meh," she sniffed, coming into the kitchen, pulling up her falling pants. "Maybe it was playing with the puppies."

I wanted to face-palm myself. "Ah I see." I murmured. Mags sat at the kitchen table, fiddling with the salt and pepper shakers that were only there for decoration.

"Soo," she started. "What did you think of the puppies?" She chimed and I couldn't help but to offer a rueful smile, shaking my head. She had her heart set on a furry little creature, not a relationship with a guy. I shrugged, playing it as if-y.

"They were adorable but..." I let my shoulders drop again and she gave me a look.

"But?" she urged.

"But I just need to visit them again. I want to get to know them individually, ya know?" I poked my head back in the oven, hiding my face before she could see something was up. She grunted, letting the subject drop and I pulled out the Chinese.

"Yummy." I said, dishing it up greedily.

She looked at me surprised. "I'm glad you have a appetite. You'd think with all that running you do you'd be ravenous. I know I would." She scoffed and I set down the plates of food. She said thanks to me in Chinese -feeling it was appropriate- and we ate together. She would occasionally put in a couple words in between bites of food and I enjoyed the rambling. I wasn't one for talk, well, never really. And I think Mags enjoyed a good listener, it was better to hear her thoughts then to focus on mine. I was excited the food was settling and I told her we'd have to eat there again. The sun was dipping, shooting brilliant colors over the sky and I felt the need to run, to get lost in music and feel my feet slam against the back old paved road. I was to self-conscious to run down the main streets and around the neighborhood, feeling like I was being judged for the way my body jiggled when I ran or that I wasn't going fast enough. I put on some shorts -old sweats I cut off to save money- and an old bra with a suction tight sports bra over and finally a loose shirt. I braided my hair and put a exercising head band on. I came out with my running shoes -another gift from Mags- and tied them out in the living room. She came out with a glass, something umber sitting at the bottom and getting caught in the drooping sun. The rays hit her dark blue eyes, the intense red in her hair, her scattering of freckles over her fine face. A pain of jealousy hit me and I jumped up, looking away.

"I'll be back. Of course." I chuckled, grabbing my phone and headphones. She waved good-bye to me as I half-jogged down the street. I took a left and went deeper into the neighborhood, seeing familiarly styled houses and felt the burn in my calves and my lungs began to push against my diaphragm. It wasn't wise of me to go running on a full stomach, it made me tired and weighed me down. But I was dedicated to my schedule. I pushed forward, the determination hitting my body. I turned off, going down a street with thinning houses, empty fields growing and the trees increased. I soon was on the choppily paved road. I found out it looped past my aunt's house after five or so miles but I didn't feel comfortable going that far out. There had only been a couple bad days that made me so extreme, taking me past my comfort zone with sore feet and aching temples from crying. I remembered the first time it had happened, I had only been here for a month or so when my mother and I had our first yelling match since the incident.

"I don't like you being out there, Charlotte," her voice high and thin on the phone. "You're not fully understanding the anxieties it's giving me." She said, her tone darkening. I rolled my eyes, twisting my ring as I smashed the phone between my jaw and shoulder. I wasn't surprised by this argument, I felt the strain between us building since I first got on that plane. Her feelings of betrayal and fear of being by herself and letting me go from her suffocating motherly arms and cooing. Now the tension was at a crescendo, making my insides shake with anxiety.

"Mom, I love you but I'm trying to get _rid_ of mine. It's better here."

Silence. _Ouch._ I flinched from the deafening sound.

" _Better?_ I'm here all alone, missing my only baby, and you're on vacation? You're putting yourself into denial."

Something snapped at that last word. I understood my mother was selfish and overly-protective but she knew nothing of denial. To be put in a state of utter calmness and everything slow, like if I was watching myself from an alternative universe. Words spewed out of me, angry and knotted things from my chest. Some things weren't meant for her to hear. They were born the darkness in my mind and they slipped in with the river gushing out of me. After a point she quit interjecting, trying to keep up with so many emotions I was unintentionally projecting onto her and she stayed silent, sobbing on the other end of the phone.

"Don't come home," she said through a curtain of thick tears and shock. "I love you. But I can't help you here. Go get your aunt." Lost in my state of confusion and racing mind, I handed the phone off. I didn't know what they discussed but my aunt was deadly silent, as if she was taking orders from a hitman. She said "yes, I understand" occasionally before hanging up. Having my mother let me go like that was emotionally freeing. I loved her but I couldn't be there. Not in that house. I couldn't see her face every day in those hallways and the haunting memories.  
The was just a hair-thin line across the lush mountains and trees when I came home, panting and flipping my shirt up against my face. My aunt had her nose in a book and I tilted my head while trying to catch my breath, trying to see the title.

" _Hawksong?_ " I questioned, seeing a gorgeous male and female on the cover with a bird and a snake. She wasn't one for fantasy and it looked vaguely familiar.

"You'd love it. I got them the other day and I'm thoroughly enjoying it." She turned it over, eyeing the cover like she did a piece of art. "Well written and the conflict in the storyline isn't really used a lot, making original in a way." I took in her feedback, eyeing the faded pages and dog-eared corners.

"Used?"

"Yeah. Like ten bucks for the series."

I grunted, taking the title to memory so I wouldn't forget it when I was done with the one upstairs on the writing desk in my room. "I'm going to take a quick shower." I announced and grabbed my towel, jumping in. I scrubbed my body and hair, feeling relaxed after the run; de-stressed from exhaustion and weak muscles. My hair came in wet curls to the middle of my back, globs of it falling out. Honesty I didn't know how I wasn't bald yet. I used an apricot facial scrub, trying to get control of the few acne marks I had on my chin and forehead before school started. A part of me thought it pointless to worry about five red bumps on my face but the inner insecure and needed-to-be-liked high school-er was coming out of me and I wanted a good complexion. I looked down, looking at my skin and knew that wasn't ever going to be obtainable. I flinched, the thought of someone touching or even taking a glance of me naked was enough to make my jaw clench and almost scream out loud. The shame and disgust that were carried on each scar would weigh the size of a full-grown water buffalo, if those things could take a form. I got out of the shower, feeling my head fill with unsavory thoughts and skipped over to my room. I walked around the piles of clothes and pulled out a pair of fuzzy pajamas and a light long sleeved t-shirt. I picked up my book, settling into my bed and stayed in my room for the rest of the night.

" _Charlotte," the voice was breathy, full of a building panic inside her chest. "Please. You need to wake up. This isn't real. Charlotte."  
I felt his face inches from mine, his nails into me.  
Yes, this was real. No. No. Stop it. Stop it. Get off me, I don't like it. I don't like it.  
I don't want you, I hate you, I-_

" _I hate you_! _Let me go, let-"_ light filled my vision, the smell of rotting wood and cigarettes fading and warmth hit me. My mid-fighting body went slack and I let my eyes fully focus. My aunt quit saying my name, her face melting in relief.

"Shit," she allowed me to scramble off her lap and onto the other side of my bed. I pushed back my sweaty bangs and sticky t-shirt, breathing. "I thought you were never going to wake up, Char. That frightened me. At first I thought you were talking to me and then I switched on the lights and saw you were still sleeping," she groaned, the exhaustion in her face evident from her falling eyelids and weak lips. "You never fought back before, Char. They're getting more real, aren't they?" Her blue eyes were like stones looking into me, demanding an answer. I looked away, ashamed to admit I was shocked to see I wasn't covered in nail markings and didn't reek of smoke.

"Yes." The word was a rock falling out of my mouth, hitting the cold air.

She scooted closer to me, naturally wanted to reach out and comfort me but thankfully refrained. "I know you don't like to talk about these things, hun. But Dr. Isaac still asks how you're doing. He's very good, your mother refusing to get anything less than perfect for you." She smiled and I gave a half-hearted one back.

"She's always saying that." I laughed, the sound coming out as an hiccup. I toughened back up again and wiped away my tears with the sleeve, sighing.

"Maybe once school gets started, I could, uh, get an appointment in." I looked at my hands when I spoke, feeling weak that I wasn't coping anymore, like an invalid.

"Hey," she started and I looked up through gossamer eyes. "You're so brave. You want to get better, correct?"

That was the reason I was here; a change of scenery. I slowly nodded.

"Then keep pressing forward, baby. That's all you can do." She stared at me intently until I nodded again, feeling a little bit lighter.

"Get some sleep, think good thoughts." She squeezed my toes and stood up, wrapping her robe around her tighter and shut the light off. Second later the night light was on and I slipped back into the blankets, my half-dead brain passing out without another thought.


	3. Chapter 3 Familar Faces

Chapter. 3

Noise filled my head and my eyes shot open, taking in the dim lighting and my glowing phone screen. I rose, scrambling to get out of my sheets and stand. Mags was right, the nightmares were heightening. I swallowed, eyeing the clothes pre-picked out -several hours going into it- and I stoically walked into the bathroom, forcing my thoughts to stay numb. I stood underneath the shower, the probably-too-hot water making my sagging face brighten and the bags underneath my eyes temporarily vanish. I got out, careful that I didn't let the water touch my hair, and I stood in front of the mirror. I couldn't do this. I needed to tell my aunt that I was going back to bed and we'd try again tomorrow. But I said that yesterday... I promised her I would today. I closed my eyes, grabbing the sink and breathed. This was the deal. I had too. Yesterday my aunt could have called my mother and told on me, but she spared my ass and calmed me down, agreeing to let me stay home the first day of school and binge Nexflix. She had called into work and stayed with me in fuzzy pajamas. It was nice. Nice spending so much time with her lately. I couldn't admit that to her face and I hoped she liked spending time with me as well. _Breath._ I shook off the rising panic in my head and went into my room. Firstly, I made my bed, using that as a distraction and told myself school was just like making a bed. I couldn't find the reasoning in that but it gave me comfort. I reached for the black skinny jeans, they had the perfect amount of stretch and had spots that made them look worn. I put on a burgundy swooped neck top on, the material like bunny fur and it fell off my shoulders a tad, admittedly I didn't mind it. The color was my all time favorite which made me decide to wear it. It was the little things that gave me the biggest comfort. I grabbed the boots my aunt saw me drooling over at the store and added a pair of soft boot socks to go with it. I grabbed a jacket just in case it rained, putting it in my messenger bag and lastly put on a simple bronze necklace with flat pea-sized medallions on it and matching metallic earrings. I sat in front of the vanity and took my time with my make-up, hesitating as I added foundation and blush. I wasn't going to give into stupid social pressures and just wear my usual mascara and eyeliner but the longer I stared at my face -the slight uneven skin tone and the four or five acne blemishes- I gave in, hating myself. I pinned back my bangs and let my hair hang loose in curls down my back. I looked at myself, the anxiety pouring out of my green and dark caramel eyes. I ripped my stuck legs off the floor, forcing one foot in front of the other. My aunt was already up, in the kitchen, busying herself with breakfast. She grinned as I became known, her voice " _awww"-ing_ as if it was my first day of the second grade. I felt like I was going to puke. My mouth opened into a plea and she held up a spatula, raw eggs splattering and her face didn't even flinch.

"Charlotte, you're going to march into that school, find all your classes and rock it in your new outfit and sexy face." She stated, her face serious with eyebrows arched.

"O...Okay." I hung my head and she came around the kitchen table, her face softening with a smile.

"You'll do great baby. Are you ready?" She looked into my face until the tears slowly went back into their hiding places and I nodded. She handed me the keys and I eyed her, my eyebrows raising.

"I asked my friend to pick me up in the mornings," she darted over to the stove, swearing. "You don't need a crazy old lady driving you to school. You got this."

Before I let my mind rush up and stop my sudden impulsive action, I ran over and put my arms around her quickly, barely putting any pressure but long enough to hear her gasp and smell her shampoo. I jumped away half a second later, my body shocked and I booked it out the front door. I started the Durango and carefully drove to the hellhole.

I felt my heart wheeze like an old bagpipe in my chest, my palms were sweaty and red sirens flashed in my head, telling me to abort. A massive group of kids passed me, the energy radiating from them nauseating. I watched them cross the street and into the high school. The music I had playing in the vehicle was just a bunch of fuzz in my screaming thoughts. I put my hand on the door handle, my fingers shaking and my nails chewed up like a dog bone. The school was bigger than the last time I saw it -a quick drive by late at night- filled with light and the doors swinging back and forth. I reached over, grabbing my bag and finally climbed out. I squeezed the strap, feeling the tender tips of my fingers shoot sharp pain up my arm. I walked slowly, in my mind's eye, the school growing further and I shrunk, feeling like a ant drowning in an ocean. More teenagers came up from behind me, ignoring my awkward scuttle to the left, and kept my head down. They hurried in front of me, talking about classes and laughed loudly. I knew I would have to get a map from the office, it would save me the embarrassment from asking every teacher I see. I eyed my schedule, seeing I only had one elective this trimester and that was photography. I thought of the upcoming fall season and found comfort in that, my mind tantalized by taking a camera to the trees.  
I felt the doors become closer, the crowd thickening and I made myself as little as possible. I waited impatiently at the doors, the breath and body heat from the other students crushing me. I saw my chance and took it, speed walking into the commons area.  
It was definitely nicer than my old school. Metal beams painted a deep red crossed the ceiling and the skylight beyond that showed the clear sky. An off-gold color was painted on cement pillars that connected to the metal above and the stairs leading up to the upper part were metal as well, slightly worn. The commons parted into two massive hallways on either side -I imagined myself zooming in and out of them- and straight ahead was the cafeteria, kids lining up for breakfast with some benches and tables pulled out. The school colors were burgundy and gold, the only good thing about this place. And the school mascot was a knight. I already knew all of the dances and activities were probably going to be medieval themed and if they weren't planned by a shitty student council, I would have been more excited. On the walls were stuff about the Founding Fathers and the pride of Berkley High. Another group of kids came in and I shuffled myself to the office, seeing a couple parents and several kids waiting in chairs. I fought back the panic and slowly approached an office lady who looked decently calm.

"Um," I began and she looked up, her eyes examining me. "Uh. I'm new and I was wondering-" she held up a hand, cutting me off and I bit back the temper that inflamed from her rudeness.

"Sit, please. We'll get to you in a moment." Was all she said and looked back down.

"Thanks." I muttered and took a sit awkwardly next to a girl with a similar bored/pissed expression. I didn't know how long it took for the ladies to call us up, but it was enough time to bore the stress right out of me. I watched the teachers and staff run in and out, papers being made up and questions being half-shouted. I jumped as the bell for school started and I looked down at my first class. Rasmussen for government. I sighed and the girl next to me -who I had totally forgot because she had the energy of a dying turtle- sighed heavily after me and I looked at her from the corner of my eye. _Please don't._

"New?" she said half a second later, taking my sign of acknowledgment as a conversation starter instead of surprise. My heart fell and I gave an internal groan.

"Yeah, you?" I forced, trying not to be crabby.

"Yeeup. It's ridiculous they make us wait for escorts. They do it to be nice but we're old enough to find a couple damn classes. Ya know?"

I paused and right on cue student council members came from the backroom, getting done with the morning announcements that had gone into one ear and out the other.

"What? Can I just get a map?" Panic made my voice thin. She looked over at me with question.

"Dude no, were you not here yesterday? It's the first three days you'll get picked up and dropped off." She stood, a finger being curled at her. "Good luck, maybe I'll see ya around." She shrugged coolly and my stomach dropped. Someone dressed in an obvious student council cardigan -school initials, graduating year, shield embroidered on the back- went with her, friendly and upbeat. I shook my head, getting up and walked over to the same lady.

"Ma'am, can I just get a map please? I'm fine without an escort." I said a tad louder and she looked up at me again, processing my words.

"Sorry, dear. It's something Berkley High likes to do; the student council has been doing it for over a decade. We like to give new knights a warm welcome by the spirit and heart of our school," she sounded like a recording system. "Have a good day and we'll see you here again tomorrow morning." She dismissed me and I stared at her for a tad to long, letting her bullshit speech sink in. _What the hell was this place?_

"Charlotte?" I flinched, turning around and seeing an expectant teenager girl eye me awkwardly. "I'll be escorting you to your first hour, if you'll follow me please." She smiled, having a print out of my classes in her hand. I swallowed dryly and nodded, to shy and to cowardly to say no. I followed her into the deserted commons area, keeping a step behind her. On her cardigan it stated she was the vice president, she seemed nice, waving to everyone she saw in the halls and didn't put any pressure to talk to me. We stopped at the end of the hall, looking in, people were still out of their chairs, the teacher getting the material ready from his desk. I exhaled heavily and we entered.

" _Dayumm Katie!_ " someone from the back said and my eyes widened, the girl rolled her eyes but smiled, turning to me.

"Don't talk to Shrek, he'll try to smell your hair and give you awkward demeaning compliments." She said sweetly but for the entire class to hear. Shouts and laughs erupted and "Shrek" gave her a shake of his head, shutting up and chuckling.

"Alright, alright, settle." Rasmussen came around, seemingly light-hearted about it, and my face deepened in color as he extended his hand. I took it silently and endured the polite exchange.

"Charlotte, right?" He looked at me and I nodded. "Nice to have you here. I'm Mr. Ras, don't bother with the whole name. Glad you could show up." He teased and I was lost for a response. Katie smiled at me, explaining someone else would be here to pick me up and to have a nice day. I shied away from the front of the room, taking a step back while the teacher looked at a seating chart.

"Alrighty, Charlotte, we'll put you right here." He pointed to the third row and I nodded, making my way past backpacks and tried not to trip. I sat down tensely, feeling the looks from everyone else. I didn't breath until Ras spoke, his boisterous voice capturing the room. I relaxed a tad, trying to focus.

"Psst... hey girl... hey curls!" I slowly turned, my hand coming up to my hair. A big cheesy grin was looking back at me, a massive tree of a guy leaned over the desk, his lips smacking together.

"How you doin'?" He gave me another up-and-down look and indignation filled my face with red hot coals. I flipped around, looking straight ahead. I couldn't believe asshole's like that still existed. I couldn't think of a witty comeback to say to him, like Katie did, and I boiled instead the rest of the hour.

The bell rung and relief flooded through me, the group of guys got up, laughing and talking about things I tried to zone out. I put my notebook away -notes had turned into doodles- and I got up, thinking about my next class when another student member popped in as promised.

"What's up baby?" Shrek said in another voice and I flinched at how loud he was.

"Shreky baby!" The guy came over, giving him a slap on the back. I wanted to puke. I stood up, looking at the guy with impatience. They talked about how both of their summers went and all the parties they were excited about. I awkwardly cleared my throat and the guy -Zack or something- shook hands with the mammoth and we walked outside. I got a quick catcall from the bastard and I kept my eyes forward, my hands shaking.

"Sorry about that," he smiled, his thoughts were still on their conversation. "I'm Curtis by the way, one of the Homeroom Rep's." He gave me a friendly I'm-calm-now smile.

"I'm Charlotte," I choked out. "We're going to Mrs. Richards." I added, and he nodded, changing directions. We headed up the stairs, seeing another member drop off a newbie.

"Yo! Saunders! Wait up suga'!" the guy catcalled him and he gave me a short wave. I ignored them and walked into the class, seeing everyone much more calmer and less involved with each other. The girl from the front office was here and she gave me a smile. I gave a polite one back and went to the teacher. We went through the same spill and told me to sit in the front row. I quietly took my seat, pulling out a different notebook for my financial literature class. Math was by far my worst class and I tried my best with keeping up with the material. I liked the teacher too, she seemed very caring and sweet, easily calming down the students when the few got rowdy. I felt the stares of a few, everyone curious about the new girl. I was pretty sure the girl on the other end of the room was getting the same vague looks. I made my shoulders relax, making the gawks irrelevant and my mind wondered, melancholy memories of my old school and friends tugged at the back of my mind. The different person I was back then and the drastic change. I wondered what my senior year would be like, if I had decided to stay with Mom and finish my schooling there. I would be around similar faces for sure. The school memorized in my head and knowing all the in and outs with each teacher. But I would be treated like a China doll, everyone slow and careful with me. I would just be equally alienated here as I would there. With the exception of my change being accepted here because no one knew me and what happened. I dropped my pen, my thinking going to far and I quickly picked it up, getting several glances. My face quickly brightened and I stayed extra-sensitive of my movements for the rest of class.

"Alright, alright," Richards cooed, shutting off the PowerPoint she had up. "You guys can talk for the last ten minutes." I visibly deflated. In cases like this, I came prepared. I pulled out my book I started reading during the weekend, clearly giving all the curious eyes a "Uh nothaxkbyee" banter over my head and dug into the page. I couldn't truly focus, too much was racing in my mind but I was content on reading the same three sentences over and over again until the bell rang. I put it away, a curtain of hair falling in my eyes.

"Charlotte right? That's a name I haven't heard in a while." I perked up, realizing the teacher was standing by me. I flushed and pulled my hair out of my eyelashes and mouth.

"Y-yeah. It's pretty archaic I suppose."

Mrs. Richards laughed, giving a what-can-ya-do shrug. She was full-bodied with a crazy mane of blonde hair and a loud but contagious laugh. She adjusted her glasses, looking up and smiling at the person who entered.

"Well, how ya doin' Mr. President?" She grinned, coming around and I peeked my head over my shoulder, momentarily caught off guard as I recognized the face.

"Oh, not to bad. The office is in a frenzy but nothing we can't handle." I heard the confidence in his voice and a giggle-something response from the teacher. _Ugh._ I shivered, standing up and adjusting my bag over my shoulder. The rest of the students were gone and the quietness made it more awkward.

"Oh, before you leave, lets go over the rubric I handed out yesterday. I do things differently than most teachers," she paused and glanced at the president. "I'll write you both an excuse." She added for the tardy we both would have.

"Oh no worries, Hyde will understand." More confidence. I stayed silent, waiting impatiently by her desk. Papers and a dimmed laptop sat on a metal desk, pictures of her family and friend decorated it with a "Welcome back, Dawn!" plant with signatures around the card. Probably from the student council and I secretly found that endearing. Why couldn't the new students just get a plant with a map tucked in the dirt? In fact, ditch the pant. Just the freaking map. I rolled my shoulders, telling myself to stay chill. Richards came around and a zap went up my spine as she put a hand on my shoulder. I let out a noise of surprise and she blinked, casually letting it go. I went to give a shitty excuse like, "Oww. Sowrry! Shoulder, hurt!" but she let it drop. She opened a cabinet, pulling out a disclosure and I took another glance at the other teenager in the room. His hair was styled differently than what I saw in the photos, remembering them on Dustin's mantel. It was an faux-hawk with a tail; a medium fade on both sides, allowing the top part and his back to be a couple inches longer, the black waves nicely styled like a modern softer Mohawk. It was near punkish. His face remained the same, the mature structure; filled with cheekbones, a wide jaw and strong eyebrows and a nicely cut nose. But his eyelashes remained sooty and long, the lips damn near pouty in fullness. _Ugh._ I was doing the same thing even a forty-something year old teacher couldn't help but to do. _Ogling_ him. I refused to be apart of it and I tore my eyes away from his face. He looked like a model sitting down; acting moody and perfect for a secret camera. I rolled my eyes and focused on the paper in front of me.

"But, the tests are eighty-percent of your grade," that was the crusher right there. She must have saw my face drain of blood because she nervously chuckled. "You'll do fine. I give you two chances to come back in and retake the tests."

"But only if I have all of my assignments in, all of them higher than a C." I murmured, and she blinked at me, caught off guard by the graveness in my voice.

"You'll do great. If you feel like you need extra help, we have an amazing tutoring system. Before and after school; our student council even helps run it." She shot the last part to what-his-face and I prickled, indignation making a knot between my shoulders.

"I'll pass." I hissed between my teeth and she missed the venom in my voice. Thankfully. I didn't want to be a bitch to the teacher that practically held my diploma in her hands. I would bust balls at this class. I made it solidify mentally in my brain, taking it in. I nodded, sighing and neatly folded up the paper and put it in the front pocket of my bag.

"Um, thank you for going over that with me. Sorry for missing class yesterday." I said a tad louder, making sure she heard me and she beamed back at me.

"You're so welcome, Charlotte. Don't hesitate to ask any questions, we have a pretty calm class this tri and it'll make the one-on-one learning process a lot easier." She was a wise lady; obviously I reeked worry and she tried her best to reassure me. I gave a strong nod, knowing I'd take advantage of help during class. But not the after/before class bullshit. She gave me another grin and then turned to a piece of paper.

"What's your class, hun?" She asked me and I stumbled out my next teachers name.

"And you, Don?" I remembered Dustin, his uncle, calling him Donnie. I assumed that was short for Donovan.

"Same, we're both going to Hyde." He stood, a full foot taller than me and walked over. She handed him the note, telling us to have a good day and he gave back a cheery response and I offered a shy wave. He ran a hand through his hair, the barely-gelled piece's of hair so drastic against his fair knuckles and fingers. He had to have some Sweden in him; his entire family had the light eyes/dark hair combo the world lost their shit over. I thought of his uncle; they really could be father and son. Both had the jaw and forehead. The lighter skin and more feminine features had to be from the mother. I wondered which sister that was, my mind going through the family pictures. I shook my head, looking over the railing and focusing on the posters and flyers hung up on the walls as we descended the stairs. I used the railing, not trusting myself to put my hands in my pockets and look like a overrated badass like a certain someone did. I blinked, taken off guard by the bitterness I had for him. He hadn't even said a word to me. Why was I so nasty? I was pissed off with the school and projected my emotions. I forced the bitch-knot between my shoulders to relax, calming down and letting out a deep breath quietly. Some students who were in the halls paused half a step, their eyes brightening when they looked at him. He casually stopped, angling his body towards me.

"This is Charlotte. She's new; from Colorado correct?" It was the first time he had addressed me and the two students looked over at me, waiting and looking friendly.

"Um, yes. Moved here during the summer." I spitted out and they smiled, nodding.

"Well, we're (so-and-so). It's great to have so many new students. How are your classes so far?"

All eyes on me. My brain immediately went to the crowded hallways, cat calling assholes, the shitty grading system and the overall irritation people gave me. "It's going great, lovely building and pretty chill people." They smiled and seemed pleased. Donovan's eyes -a stark color of dark blue- were flat though when I looked at him. I swallowed back the look I wanted to give him and we parted ways. Hyde's class seemed further down, made sense since it wasn't a core class, and the longer we walked the more the tension built. What was up with the sudden attitude from earlier? Jeez. I saw students stare as we walked by, the girls faces lit up as they looked at him -taking in his medium athletic build and the black hole-in-one-knee fitted jeans and the student council cardigan that looked better on him than it should- and I made a face unknowingly, looking at the floor. Maybe it was just because he was pretty that I didn't like him. I wasn't necessarily jealous -maybe his perfect anime-nose got to me compared to my wide one but I brushed it off- but I think it was because that two years ago I was exactly the same way. Worshipping the pretty people. He reminded me of my past shallowness and the things I would do to get attention from them. I hated it that I had to admit he was even prettier _of_ the pretties. I shook off my edge, feeling the crease between my eyebrows and checked my phone while we walked across the other side of the school. Our feet echoing in the empty halls and thumbing my screen, seeing two missed calls from Mom. Whoops. I went to call her out of panic and then realized I was with someone and already late for class. _Dammit._ I put it back in my butt pocket and we turned finally into a little classroom. New computers were laid out against a wall, desk filling the rest but in the back -leading to a thankfully bigger space- had different machines and devices for the photo process. The cameras, big chunky things that professionals used, were laid out like offering to a god on a desk with cubbies for them. The students were bent over, the chatting to a minimum and the teacher sat behind his own desk, eyeing us.

"Saunders!" Someone barked from the back and he drifted away from me, leaving me with the grumpy-faced teacher.

"Glad you could join us, Ms. Mecham," he gave me the stink eye and I flinched. "I expect perfect attendance from now on, understood?"

I swallowed. "Yes, sir." I said like a small child.

"And you Saunders," he pointed a gnarled finger at him. "Don't think you can get away with being so late. Three are all you get before I dock your citizenship." He narrowed his sharp brown eyes and I followed his finger, seeing Donovan stand up with the get-out-of-jail card in his hands.

"We were with Richards." He stated, holding his eye. "Won't happen again." He murmured and I felt instantly soothed by his voice. His jeweled blue eyes that blazed were a different story. I could sense the history between the two, I wondered what happened but kept my curiosity to myself. Hyde was older, looking like an old crow with his dark eyes and graying black hair and a tall hunched body. But sharp and intelligent looking nonetheless.

"Class, this is Charlotte Mecham, I expect everyone to treat her with the respect we give everyone at Berkley High," his eyes narrowed and thought I saw him glaring at Donovan. "Would you like to introduce yourself? Tell us some things?" He looked at me expectedly and even though it was put into a question, I knew I couldn't say no.

My mind went utterly blank and I felt my heartbeat rise, humming in the back of my mind. I rattled off the first three things that came to mind, "I moved here from Colorado, I live with my aunt and I hate pineapple." I froze, mouth snapping together and my knees locked. Everyone just kind of nodded, some probably giving me weird looks like, "Who hates pineapple?" and I turned my head away, begging the teacher with my eyes to let me sit. He seemed satisfied with my obvious discomfort and flipped open his seating chart.

"Since you and Pres are so chummy, let's have you sit behind him for now." He gave me a bitter smile and I robotically turned and shuffled past the students. I plopped down behind him, him completely uninterested and I put my head in my hands, staring at the wood pattern on the desk. _What an ass!_ my temper flew and I had to take more breaths. He did that to punish me for being late and missing tomorrow. I glared, my eyebrows roping together and I had to count to fifty before I could look up and focus. He was ranting about something that was completely irrelevant to camera's and the class has glazed over. I looked around, seeing the new faces. I saw another student council member, Katie, and her eyes kept flicking over. At first it made me uncomfortable and then I realized who was sitting in front of me and rolled my eyes. Several other people kept glancing over as well and it was going to get on my nerves. I pulled out my notebook, getting lost in the doodles again. I heard the chair in front of me creak and suddenly a low voice was demanding my attention. I blinked, looking up and a pair of startling blue eyes -to close for comfort- made me shoot backwards and I dropped my pen, again. I swore and Donovan gave me a look. I glared harder, feeling my cheeks flame and I bent over to retrieve it.

"What?" I asked, trying to cool my features.

"I said, "look over there". Do you recognize him?" He gestured coolly with his shoulder and I followed the direction. Sitting in the front row, body craned entirely around was a familiar face I had made myself forget about. I saw him bend over and pull off his shoe, and then smack his face with it and pretend to fall over. I had to cover my mouth, an unexpected laugh bubbling out and several of the students -smiling and confused- looked around to see who the hell he was talking too. I felt a weird feeling crawl up my skin and a warm blush covered my face as Nick bowed his head like a puppy and let the teacher yell at him for being a class clown. I shuffled, snapping out of it when several people eyed me suspiciously and Donovan's perplexed face wanted to grill me a thousand questions with what just happened. I was still in shock he actually went out of his way to get my attention; I didn't even see him. I couldn't help but to stare the rest of the hour, he kept his head down and pouted from being scorned. He wore a long sleeve shirt and I think the same pair of khaki skinny jeans from the mall when we had our "interesting" encounter. I recalled the bruise I had on my temple from the damn shoe being thrown at me. His hair was cut, maybe as a back-to-school thing, and he had the sides short, the front spiked and pulled up into a styled fohawk.  
Nervousness thrummed in the back of my head as the class continued, I assumed he wanted to talk to me after it was over, after putting on such an interesting little skit about the mall. Oddly, I still had that fuzzy feeling. I rehearsed several ways of greeting him, my mind coming up with little scenarios and I began twisting the ring on my finger. I did breathing exercises, trying to cool my warm face. _Dammit, Charlotte get your shit together._ I gave myself a small pep talk, looking straight a head and found Donovan's head in the way. He absentmindedly hummed, a low sound from the back of his throat and he stared at the brick wall next to us, searching it as if it held the meaning to life. Wierdo. I thought about Dustin's mantel, filled with pictures of him and his assumed-sister. I vaguely wondered if she went here as well and if she had people fawning over her just like her sibling did. I craned my head around his, finding a spot between his shoulder and head that I could see the board. He had a rubric up, going over each of the terms we were going to begin learning. He was actually teaching now. I pulled out my notebook after he announced we would be turning these in at the end of the week and began jotting them down. I focused, Nick being pushed back to the side of my brain and I continued with my routine of stretching my neck over Donovan's head and shoulder, getting an eyeful, writing it down and continuing. I was thankful to be in the back, no one could see the weird up and down thing I was doing and plus I didn't have to put up with annoying people in the middle. The very front was preferred, because I focused more directly but this time I was thankful. I had a feeling Hyde didn't like me, even though it was only the first day in class, I felt like he put a target on my back. He snapped several times at students for talking, at a couple of idiots in the middle and I respected he didn't put up with shit. Maybe I'd fade into the background as the trimester went on, more fitting kids taking up my slot as a bad student.  
I knew only last year I was that student, the one acting out and getting sent out to the hall for laughing and talking. I was never an ass to the teacher directly but my socialness was a problem; I needed attention from all of my peers. The acceptance and affection I didn't get at home driving me to get it from my friends. I eyed Donovan, recalling my thoughts earlier about him. I'd definitely make it a goal to win someone like him over. I was glad I wasn't that way anymore, granted it wasn't a willing transition full of self-reflection, but ripped out and tossed away. Like the other good qualities I had. My care-free attitude stripped and my general ambition and strong character weathered. I was a pile of skin and crippling insecurities and self-hatred. My mind began to fade, my hand slowly put the pen down and I stared at the corner of the desk, the familiar weight settling on my shoulders. A cold companion that traveled with me since I woke up in the hospital. _Oh god, those haunting walls_.

My brain went into overdrive and I was suddenly aware of the tears on my cheek, my trembling hands and sound rushed back in.

"Hey," the whisper smacked my eardrums and my hand came up to my cheek. "You okay?" it was the student across from me, her eyes full of confusion. She awkwardly handed me tissue and I batted it away, humiliation and indignation filling me up.

"No, no thanks." I cleared my throat and turned my face to the brick wall, folding my arms and going into myself. _Fucking hell, Mecham._ I gently patted the tears away, shyly trying to look at my phone to clear up any make-up smudges. Suddenly deft fingers were on my phone, angling it down.

"There," our eyes collided, my hot hazel mess against his collected and smarted cobalt. "Got some mascara or some shit." He muttered. I pulled my phone away and glared but still let my fingers rise and wipe it away. He looked at me for a second longer, his eyes flickering over my face before turning back around. I glowered at the back of his head for the remaining couple minutes of class, hating it that he helped me. I didn't need his help. Or anyone's.  
The bel rung and my heart raced, Nick invading my thoughts and I began packing up my stuff. I gave myself one last check, pretending I was checking something and it was like crying in the middle of class was just some vague dream I had. For now, I'd let myself think that. I refocused, aware of the people starting to hover over by Donovan's desk; Katie came over, her eyes honed on him and a couple other girls playing it cool though you could see in their eyes they were aware of the competition.

"You're new, right?" One of them piped up and I reddened.

"She's from Colorado dumbass," another one said and everyone chuckled. "You don't listen."

"No, you're fine," I made my voice clear, looking at the embarrassed girl. "I didn't speak very loud anyways." I offered a small smile.

Abruptly, the sound of metal against metal broke out and a mouth full swear words followed. Donovan shot up, like a mother watching her child fall off the swings at a park.

"What the hell, Nick?" Someone laughed from the back and I perked up, seeing him in the middle of the two desks that were toppled over. He blinked, sitting up and I looked away, seeing his shirt rise up, the skin and muscle underneath his shirt was unsettling... and impressive. I swallowed.

"I tried to jump from desk to desk and then I just kinda," he made crashing noises and his facial expressions made everyone laugh, even Donovan. "I was a rush to get over here." I felt his eyes on me as he stood, grabbing Donovan's hand.

"Thanks, Donnie." He smiled, patting his friends shoulder. Donnie, that's what Dustin had called him. I awkwardly stood, knowing it was lunch. I remembered the sack lunch I had brought with me and wondered if I should attempt to eat it at all.

"Um, hey," Nick came around and I froze in place. He grinned at me and my eyes -still puckered from crying though unnoticeable- searched his tanned and light face. The Indian in him showed in the simple high-raised planes on his face, the barely-visible scruff and his almond eyes, the eyelashes fine and hooded. I breathed, smiling back and fiddled with the strap on my bag. His smile was the crowing feature, well maintained and oh-so contagious and massive. I cleared my throat, clearing my thoughts. I was sexualizing him. He was a human being, filled with thoughts that went deeper than his fine face. He didn't need to be ogled at.

"Hey, I was hoping I'd run into you." It tumbled out and I blanched. I watched his expressions dance across his face like liquid. He looked shocked then pleased. Then shameful? I raised an eyebrow at him, wondering the sudden look of disappointment. Oh no. He didn't like it. I quickly opened my mouth, to somehow correct that.

"About the mall... I'm so sorry that happened. I know I was kidding about it earlier," he gestured back to his seat and I gave a humored smile. So much smiling. "But I'm just an ass and it really wasn't funny. Um, I had hoped you were going to come here, it seemed like you were going to say Berkley but then the whole shoe thing happened and I kinda darted off to get some damn ice. But you were gone and no one had asked for your number and then-" he must have seen my stunned face because he flushed and quit rambling. "Sorry. I promise I'm not a creep.

"You went to get some ice?" I asked, incredulous and he looked over my face, trying to tell if that was a good or bad expression. "I-I mean, I thought you were embarrassed. And so we just kind of left." I shrugged but my head was flipping on it's axis.

"Ha!" he snorted and I jumped a little from the noise. "No, of course not. I totally beat my friend's ass afterwards," he winked, flexing and my eyes widened. "I work out." He said in a faux-jock voice and I gave an unsure laugh, trying to avoid the bulge underneath his sleeve.

"Hey!" someone barked and a pencil smacked his face. "Let's go, put your arm down, we're all tired of watching you trying to be macho." It was Katie, her humor witty and dry. She meant it lightly though, her face in a half-smirk. She had a halo of soft red hair -more of a darker strawberry blonde- a pixie-like body and about my height. Pretty and petite, her eyes a wicked brown and a charming amount of freckles over her button-nose and soft cheeks. I admired her winged-eyeliner and perfect eyebrows.

My face colored further, and Nick's smile grew. "Alright, alright. Sorry, my ego get's the best of me." He dropped another wink and I rolled my eyes at him, knowing it typically would have turned me off. But he did it in such a light-hearted and joking way... he didn't pop his muscle to intimidate me or do it to have him fawn over his body. He liked the attention but he also enjoyed being a goof and getting laughs out of people.

"I'll see ya later." I quickly added, biting my lip back as soon as I said it. He seemed thrilled nonetheless and walked out with his friends, grabbing Katie's face and mimicked her earlier statement. Her hand came up and he jumped away, laughing like a maniac. I listened to the commotion they made going down the hall until it faded. I was surprised to see the desks put back into order, and even more so to see all of them realigned. I grunted, grabbing my books and headed down the hallway, my head spinning from so much. The cold weight on my shoulder was forgotten about as I made myself a mouse, melting through the gaps between each bunching of teenagers until I made it to the commons area and in the semi-sunny outside. I watched dumbass teenagers peeling out of the parking lot, horrified as I saw a car barely miss Mag's and mine beloved Bronco while trying to escape the parking lot. I quickly got in and re-parked back further. I then sat, listening to my music and eating my sandwich like a loser. Except instead of locking myself in the bathroom stall, I had a dandy car I could sit in contentment. I pushed back the seat, looking up at the ceiling and processing my day. Thinking about the light episode I had in class, being so embarrassed about that I flinched and mentally changed the subject, out loud calling myself stupid. Naturally they landed on Nick and I ruefully smiled with a mouthful of peanut butter and jelly.


	4. Chapter 4 Being Funny

Chapter. 4

The last half of my school day was sped up and ended quickly; the ceramics class consisted of me staring at a pile of clay, poking it with my needle tool and the last two was a basic human biology class and history class. I had already gotten my art, science and history credit done back in Colorado, but here I needed one more. It pissed me off beyond all reason but I accepted it and tried to move on. Even though my eyebrow gave a steady twitch as I had to redo this shit all over again. Nick wasn't far from my mind and I found myself keeping my eyes open in the hallways, searching for the black hair and warmer skin. Should I tell Mags about him? It took her days before she let the subject drop last time and I didn't want her to get carried away. I oddly had this need to tell someone about how the cute Native American boy actually talked to me but that was shallow. He seemed friendly; I wasn't going to look into anything that wasn't there. He seemed chummy with Katie, maybe they were more than just friends? I remembered her intense target-locked-and-ready gaze on Donovan and second guessed myself.

"Hey," I looked up from my desk, seeing the chocolate skinned student council member who dropped me off to math class, Curtis. Shrek and him were obnoxious together in the halls and he called everyone a flirty nickname that was oddly charismatic. "Glad I caught you before you left. The office ladies wanted me to remind you to meet at the office again in the morning," he paused, seeing my cheeks flare. "Sorry we have this policy. But it's pretty fun getting to know you guys." He offered a half-smile and left the deserted classroom. I pinched the bridge of my nose, looking down at the open history textbook. We had an assignment due tomorrow but instead of checking out a textbook, I stayed after school and finish it here. That way I wouldn't have to pay a fat ass fine when I lost it. The teacher, Mr. Stamps, aided in the after-school math help and a few kids came in slowly, probably embarrassed because it was the second day of school and already needed help. I felt their pain. They looked younger, maybe sophomore's; they didn't get the option of a easy math class like I had. Stamps didn't hesitate to rearrange the desks in a circle, making a small math therapy group, and they began. I saw a few of their eyes flicker over at me, I didn't know if it was because they were self-conscious having another person in the room or just out of curiosity but I quietly grabbed my stuff and went to the back, putting headphones in and listened to music as I worked.  
I had just finished when my phone buzzed. _MOM._

I panicked, quickly throwing my bag on and heading into the hall, sliding my thumb over and answering. "Mommy!" I tried to sound cheerful but it came out like if I had just been shot and echoed in the empty halls.

"Charlotte! My lovely daughter," she responded back. She was in a good mood thank god. "How's school going? Sorry for calling earlier, I bet you were in classes." Relief went through me, I didn't have to profusely apologize for not answering.

"It's going good," Nick flashed in my mind and I shook it away. "You wouldn't believe this school though. They actually give a shit." I laughed darkly into the phone and my mom chuckled.

"Tell me about it, sweetie. This should be fun. " My mother drove me crazy with her controlling and self-pitying ways, but their was one thing we were always in sync with and that was humor. I didn't hold back on the over exaggerated sarcastic tale about my day, mentioning Shrek and the bitter Mr. Hyde and the friendliness of the student council. I referred Donovan as President Pretty Boy and we both laughed. It felt nice having just a regular easy conversation with my mother. Ever since the incident, it clouded our own relationship, pulling us apart. I knew she wouldn't admit it, but being here with Mags probably was the best thing that could have happened. It felt right. I sat in the Durango, fiddling with buttons as we talked about our days. I did end up telling her about the mall and how I got a shoe thrown at me, both of us in tears by the end of the conversation. I sat back in the seat, wiping away makeup and rubbing my cheeks.

"Oh heavens, I _so_ needed a good laugh," she sighed into the phone and a wave of somber hit us. "I'm glad you're doing good, honey. You may not see the difference in yourself but you've come a long ways."

My heart swelled. "Thank you, Mom. That means a lot." And it did. We chatted for a bit more, ending the conversation when I needed to get home and cook before Mags burnt down the place. I let the day go, all the stress and anxiety, feeling better talking to my mom and laughing it off. Mags was wonderful support but her eyes held too much weight. She didn't pity or baby me, but they held something in them that made me want to dissect all of my emotions and tell her everything. She'd be a wonderful therapist if she ever needed a second career option. I walked in the door, already smelling food and cringe. My nose registered the smell as human and safe then I curiously walked into the kitchen. On the table had a cake and Italian take-out, plates and silverware already out. I blinked, my eyes wide.

"What the-"

"HAPPY SECOND-FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL." Mags half-screamed like a teridoctoyle, popping up from behind the bar with a birthday hat on and chucked peanuts at me. I dropped my bag, holding my hand up in defense and half-shouted from surprise.

"What the hell are you doing?" I shouted over her crazy shouting and yelling.

"I couldn't find confetti so I bought peanuts instead!" She screamed, like a battle cry and I ducked, hiding behind a chair and scooped up some of the floor and cried out in victory when I got her. We did this until she saw several in the cake and almost had a meltdown. I got up fro my spot in the living room, eyeing the set-up on the table and the scattering of nuts.

"Who's Martha?" I looked at her with dumbfounded disbelief. "This looks like a cake for an eighty-year-old women on Mother's Day." I eyed the big flower prints and over-done lace work on the side.

"Eh, I dunno. I just said I was here to pick up a cake and here's Martha." She smiled, looking down at the cake with fondness -like a pet- and I smacked my face. She reached over, picking out the coated peanuts and ate them, shrugging. "Why Martha. Your nuts taste fantastic. You dirty bastard."

We sat in the living room, some cheesy romantic-comedy on the screen, our bellies bloated with perfect al dente noodles and creamy sauces with tender chicken and meatballs.

"God bless those Italians," Mags sighed, kissing her thumb and looking up at the ceiling. "How was Martha?" She stretched like a cat on the couch, showing off her long legs and lithe torso. I looked down at my plate of half-eaten cake, picking around the too-sweet icing and enjoyed the rich yellow cake.

"She's excellent. You should have just bought one though." I lightly chastised, not to upset because it was a problem easily fixed in the bakery.

Mags did her "meh, it's alright" face and rolled over, looking at me with a more serious expression. "How was your day at school though? You looked like you were in a good mood when you came in." I thought back, honestly totally forgetting about it until she asked. Memories blurred, the confusing classes and stuffed hallways. It was so much better being home and a dark gnarl spread in my stomach, knowing I'd have to go back there tomorrow.

"It was decent. Kids are obnoxious, stupid teenagers." I chuckled sardonically and once again, Nick popped up.

"Charlotte, you _are_ a stupid teenager," she laughed but I could tell it didn't quite reach her eyes. "Not even eighteen yet." She tried to keep her tone light but it was somber.

"It went great, Mags," I said, my eyebrow raising as I felt the good mood slip. "I even called Mom up and we had a good conversation on the phone. We laughed and stuff."

She shook herself out of the weird atmosphere she was in, perking up with interest. "I'm glad she was in a good mood. I talked to her yesterday a little bit, she had her claws out then." She hissed and did cat noises, I smiled and stood up, picking up our plates. It was too late to go running, which was a relief because I was exhausted. If it was an hour earlier I still would have made myself run, committed to my schedule. Night had crept it, throwing purple shadows on the street and the trees swayed in the light breeze.  
I carried the plates out, rinsing the icing off with hot water and put the extra food away. I took out a broom, hitting the floor and tried to gather up all the peanuts that were thrown our loft-styled kitchen. I shook my head and laughed a little, calling it good and finished the dishes. When I was done, Mags was passed out on the couch, her eyebrows drawn together. I wondered what she was dreaming about. She looked uncomfortable, one leg shot up on the back of the couch and the other somehow underneath her butt. I came around the coffee table and put a finger on her shoulder, the small sensation bringing me back to this morning when I had hugged her. My gut clenched at the thought and I forced the sickness away, taking a step back and shrugged it off.  
I wondered into my room, my eyes falling on my laptop, I needed to update Cecil on my life. No matter how tiny and depressing it was. I curled up with a blanket I took with me from my life in Colorado and curled up by the cushioned bench by my window, pushing off the dozen or so pillows Megs had collected from her traveling days -giving them to me as gifts. _And she claims she hardly gets me anything,_ I thought in annoyance before flipping open my laptop and thought of Cecil again. Should I mention having Thanksgiving here? I bit my nail anxiously, I nonchalantly brought up the holidays. I would warm Mags up to the thought as it grew closer, if I explained how amazing all of us could get a long, she'd be on board. I quickly typed her back, explaining my first day of school in the same manner that I explained it to my mom. I goofed off for a bit, updating my youtube playlist with new songs. After a few slow songs were over, my eyes begin to ache, tired of a laptop and wanting to be closed until the next day. I sighed, pushing it away and quickly changed into pajamas. A million faces and objects ran over my mind as I crawled into bed soon after, wrapped up in my fuzzy bottoms. Tomorrow I made a note to be more relaxed than I was today. Between my anxieties and rage, I would be quickly burning the entire place down if I didn't learn to take a chill pill. The images -Nick was a lot of those- slowly seemed to cloud and melt away, my eyebrows slowly un-knitting themselves and I crashed into a deep sleep.

The next day was worse than the last, it was going to take some time with adjusting to the early mornings. I yawned, slowly rolling out of bed and itched my body awake. Shedding my pajamas, I walked across the hall in my towel and quickly jumped in a warm shower, letting the water wake up my groggy mind. I thought of my outfit, planning it out in my head as I washed myself. I promised myself I wouldn't be as stressed today, I would try to be more "go with the flow" kind of gal and stick to myself and occasionally interact with my classmates. My eyebrows shot together, I thought of Nick and the friendly student council. They involved themselves frequently with the student body, maybe being left alone -like my original game plan was- wasn't going to work out here. I got out of the shower, hearing shuffling outside the door and decided Mags was awake. Curiosity sparked and I decided it was a lovely morning to do some meddling. I got dressed, more comfortable today in black leggings and a violet pull-over. I put my disaster of a mane into a bun and did my make-up the same as yesterday. Winged eyeliner on top, thick layer of mascara with some liquid foundation and a swipe of blush over my round cheeks. My features were always on the innocent and soft side, my face structure didn't obtain any edge to my countenance. My face shape wide with a narrowing chin and full lips and big eyes. My nose being an abomination, too rounded and like a fat door knob. I hoped no one paid any attention to it and tried to put the spotlight on my eyes. I added some earrings and a necklace with a dangling amethyst. Grabbing my school stuff, I walked out into the living room and set it down on the couch. My aunt was in the kitchen, carefully keeping her eyes on some eggs.

"Want eggs with some toast?" she smiled at me and I slowly nodded, feeling my stomach grumble. I couldn't remember the last time I had breakfast. Delighted, Margaret pulled out another plate as I sat down at the table. I looked out the kitchen window, seeing the sun pink the sky and the green trees around the houses swayed in the damp morning breeze. I had never really gotten to know the neighbors, I said hi to the one across the street and that's because they said it first. Mags was chummy with a few, she occasionally invited the elderly couple down the way on her porch and they would laugh and talk. Everyone liked Mags though. She was oddly distant from people even though they adored her. It firmed my resolve to help my aunt more with Dustin.

"How are the puppies doing?" I nonchalantly brought up, still looking out the window. I didn't have to play casual too much, I already was out of it due to my tired brain. She perked up some more, looking up from the eggs to glance over at me.

"They're great! Dustin has a few homes for the more energized ones. But I don't know about the few who are more timid and relaxed," she eyed me again, putting the bread in the toaster. I tried not to roll my eyes and smile. Was she seriously guilt tripping me? "Dustin's sad to see them leave though." She added on a serious note and I looked over at her, trying to stay cool.

"I bet, it's easy getting attached to those suckers. Why doesn't he keep one? He has the room." I thought back to his huge house, imagining Mags and Dustin snuggled on the couch by the fire place with one of the puppies attacking them. I smiled more, thinking of how happy she's going to be.

"Eh, I don't think that'll work out for him. Not with someone helping him take care of it."

I wanted to shout out, _You! You do it, dammit!_ "Ah, I see. I take it his girlfriend works a lot?" I knew the question sounded forced and I cleared my throat, looking away again. Mags shockingly laughed, arranging the toast underneath the eggs. She walked over to the table, pulling out a seat next to me and sat the plates down. I could tell she forgot the seasonings for the eggs but I was content with them not being burned or undercooked. Today she wore a vivid green pencil skirt and a white blouse with a tight fitting jacket over her small frame. She had her hair pinned back from her face but allowed the back part to cascade down her back in semi-gelled auburn curls. It was the only resemblance we had together, I didn't inherit the Mecham's petite frame. I was oh-so blessed with my fathers genes, the Brunson's curvy figure and the temper to go with it.

"What's so funny?" I raised my eyebrow, watching her cut into her eggs and toast.

"The woman to ever dare to take his wife's lovingly place must be one hell of a woman. She was amazing," her eyes went to a different place in time, happiness mixed with somberness. I felt more curiosity pull at me. It was rare she ever thought about the past and from what I was picking up on, she had known Dustin's wife. "Those two were like a matched made in heaven. The Saunders are a big time family around here, half the town was invited to their wedding. When the accident happened, it was devastating. Not just for him, but the community. She was close with everyone..." she trailed off and I ate my toast as she talked, hopefully trying not to act to interested. "All I'm saying, is the next Mrs. Saunders -if they will be- has to be a pretty damn brave woman. The entire city will be watching and Dustin wouldn't just let anyone back into his life. He's a bigger recluse than I am." She chuckled, her bright eyes not even realizing the awesome bit of information she gave me. Mags was a bigger deal than she realized, by practically reviving the museum and being known as a local artist, she already was known in this smallish town. I let her change the subject, listening to her chat about an upcoming event she was putting together, and ate my breakfast lost in thoughts.  
I was almost late running out the door, I had spaced out with all the talking she was doing and I quickly threw my shit into the passenger seat and headed to my own personal hell. I felt my fingers squeeze on the steering wheel, dread filling me as I turned into the school parking lot. Several groups were outside, enjoying the warm morning and I got a couple stares as I parked. It was further back, away from all the stupid trucks and newer cars that no doubt belonged to the cool kids. I sighed, grabbing my headphones. If I wanted to stay calm, I was going to need these. My phone went off right when I shut my door, sliding it open I got a notification my cousin CeCe had responded. At lunch I decided to read it, knowing it was going to be practically a novel. I put one earbud in, shoving my phone into the front pocket of my sweatshirt, feeling it relax against my stomach. The school still loomed over me, increasing my heartbeat and I internally sang to the music coming from my phone, still avoiding the groups of kids that hung out in the beds of the trucks and some playing their own music.

"Heey! Curls!" The familiar voice and stupid nickname had my head shooting up and I looked over to my left, my face frowning. Shrek and a few other friends -I only recognized Curtis with his beaming teeth and the Homeroom Representative cardigan- seemed thoroughly entertained. Shrek leaned back, doing his best Joey Tribinanni impersonation and nodded over at me. "How you doin'? You ready for class?" he puckered his lips at me and I felt my cheeks darken. I sped up my walking, hearing them laugh it off. I shoved the other earbud into my ear and kept my head down, crossing the street and I glowered at the ground. I entered the school, feeling the air hit my already warm face and I looked up, seeing the massive commons roomed filled up with laughing kids. The inside wreaked of damp shoes and hot air. It was like I was looking at them from miles away, with music blocking out all the noises they made, I was in a different realm. It made it easier being indifferent to them. I walked in the office, collecting my thoughts and cooling my cheeks. I sighed, plopping down in the same seat from yesterday. The other new kids were already there, waiting to be escorted like I was. I closed my eyes, knowing I still had a few minutes before the morning announcements would begin and they would begin dropping us off to our first class. I thought about sitting so close to Shrek in my government class and muttered a swear word underneath my breath. My phone went off again, interrupting the song, and I peaked at it. It was from my mother. I opened it, reading the sentence or two she wrote about keeping my head up and having a good day. I was still vaguely thinking about Dustin and Mags. I wondered what I could do to help move things a long. I bit my lip absentmindedly, texting my mom back as I thought and waited for the bell to ring.

A rough tap on my shoulder made me look up, it was one of the office ladies. I blinked, realizing she was talking and I couldn't hear a word she was saying.

"Oh, sorry," I shook my head and pulled the earbuds out, noises from the office taking place of the music. The low whispering and the movement of papers and shoes on the carpet a shock to Search The City I had been listening to. "Yeah?" I asked and she looked at me with impatience. I cleared my throat, waiting for her to repeat.

"I was explaining to you the importance of these papers, they deal with graduation and need to be returned as soon as possible," she leaned over me and went through each of the forms, eyeing me intensely to make sure I was paying attention and wasn't some braindead teenager. The announcements clicked on from the back room and Katie's voice -always holding a tinge of dry humor- echoed into the empty halls. The lady paused, sighing as Vice President finished up.

"And don't forget to grab your homecoming dates, men! The dance will be the day after the football game, try your best not to screw it up and don't forget the flowers!" She added and some of the people in the office chuckled. Others, like Mrs. Prude, _tsked_ her lips and commented how rude that was. I rolled my eyes before she refocused on me and continued with the papers. To be honest, I was so concentrated on not failing any classes I had forgotten the main point and that was graduation. Getting out of here and never putting up with people my own age again, as much as I could control that. The student body leaked out of the back room and I saw Donovan, Prez himself, and followed by the half a dozen of kids in the symbolic cardigans. They didn't look half bad, the cotton was a wine red with gold thick stitching and a black and white shield on the back, embroidered in. The shield, written in a decorative medieval font, said the title of the student and the graduating year. On the sides of the cardigan, right underneath the pockets, were their name on one side and the school's name on the other in smaller gold letters. It fitted most of them in a stylish manner, Katie's was a tad bit on the big side but she didn't seem to give two shits. It was less awkward when they came over to pick us up, I got the school's treasurer, a tall girl with glasses and black hair. She looked oriental of sort and smiled happily at me.

"Just a moment, I need to finish talking to her." Mrs. Prude said and the girl hung back, waiting patiently. The lady continued where she left off, talking about class rings and all the merchandise you could get. I eyed the magazine she set on my lap, eyeing the gold and burgundy scarf the model wore. I followed along, nodding as she finished up.

"If your parents have any questions, make sure they call us okay? This is serious stuff here." She narrowed her eyes at me until I was nodding vigorously. I was silently flipping her off the entire time. She patted the Treasurer's shoulder and went back to her throne of papers and staples.

"Senior, eh? Me too. And those papers are really self-explanatory," she leaned in, whispering to me as I collected my things. "It'll be okay." She smiled at me, her perfect teeth beaming. I smiled back, feeling reassured as she talked to me.

"Thanks. I was hoping it wasn't as complex as she made it seem." I muttered, eyeing the working lady with disdain.

"I'm Savannah," she introduced and thankfully didn't extend her hand. "I was new here last year. Kinda crazy right?" She snorted slightly, shaking her head and her slick hair looked like black ice in the sun that lit up the commons room. It was empty, the laminated floors all scuffed up from the students and the cement pillars were plastered with club names and announcements for the upcoming dance. I remembered junior prom, going with my best guy friend at the time and a group of my closest friends. I was convinced that had to be the most memorable night of my life. I shook my head, letting the memories crumble back into the crevices of my mind. Across the way, the lunch servers and janitors were cleaning up the breakfast. Sweeping and folding up the tables until lunch. I gazed at the neon and overly-decorated posters; art, jazz, dancing, photography, computer, science and all sorts of clubs boasting on the walls and lockers. Mags would encourage me to sign up and meet new people. I dismissed them all and walked with Savannah to Mr. Ras's class. We were ten minutes late again, like yesterday and everyone stared at me as I entered. Savannah waved and humorously blew kisses to a guy in the back of the class who shyly waved and blushed. Ras chuckled, coming around his desk and to the front of the class. My face heated, seeing all the attention directed towards me again and ignored Shrek as I plopped down a couple seats in front of him. Sniffing sourly as he wiggled his fingers and fluttered his eyelashes at me.

"Whata gal, huh Stephen?" Ras smiled warmly and the class giggled a little bit as the kid sighed hopelessly and nodded.

"Gotta love her." He responded and several of the girls died in their desk. I felt my face light up, seeing the obvious adoration he had for her and felt a tinge of something. I straightened my back and focused on the man in front of me. Soon, politics were brought up -of course, with this being a government class- and I felt myself shy away from the heated arguments that broke out. Honestly, even if I did know anything about politics, I wouldn't fight about them with my classmates. My family was government savvy, I always zoned out whenever they got into fights about them. Now, it made me anxious and fidget with my pen over paper as the voices rose.

"Here, let's pull out our books and open up to page thirty-seven and we'll get our answers there." Gun control had been brought up and I was relieved when the tension settled as we all found the page. I was wondering if this was his original plan for todays topic or was he just letting us control where it went. Some of the kids further back would occasionally get in trouble from being too loud and I knew that would have been me last year. I was always the talk of the teachers lounge. It dawned on me how much Shrek and I would have gotten along if the circumstances of me moving were different. If I was just looking for a way to escape my controlling family and moved out here for the hell of it, I would be devouring the attention. And with how tall and strong he was, I would have lost my shit. I made a noise in the back of my throat, disgusted with myself. Revolted my myself then, and now. Unintentionally, my fingers wondered to my stomach and nausea pressed on my earlier breakfast.  
We continued finding the answers in the book, going from one issue to the next. Ras constantly eyed the clock, when we were halfway through first hour, he cleared his throat and interrupted the flow of conversations.

"As much as I like where this is going," he pulled out an old 90's television on a table with squeaky wheels. "I do have a curriculum to follow." He muttered and I could hear him mentally kicking the school's board asses. None of us complained, excited to be watching a movie. Half of us would fall asleep and the rest would be on their phones. He explained we would be watching one part of four movies involving early America and it's founders. However, he added turning in an essay and be handing in the notes we took on it for each day we watched. Then came the moans. I ate essays for breakfast, I leaned back, feeling confident in my first major assignment. The teacher flicked off the lights, wondering back to his desk and _shoosh'ed_ us when we became too noisy. I sneaked one headphone in, blocking out Shrek's obnoxious remarks from the back of the class. The History Channel's insignia appeared on screen and we all settled in for the boring information to come.

"Have a great day people, we'll see you tomorrow!" Ras dismissed us, watching everyone yawn -counting me- as we headed out and became herded into the hall. Katie appeared, half of her hair in a bun the size of a baby's fist due to it's short length and a black dress that hit mid-thigh. It went well with her cardigan. She greeted me, the wave more casual since the ice was broke yesterday. Unwillingly, her and Nick's banter came to mind. I wondered how they became good friends. _And how I could get that,_ my brain added sinisterly afterwards and I grimaced at my thoughts.

"Hey, Charlotte." She grinned, looking like she had a long-kept secret. That was just her personality though. Like a petite, strawberry blonde Cheshire.

"Hi, Katie," I offered, smiling a tad. "I've got Richards." I added, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

She nodded, letting me take lead as we went into the thinning hall. I suspected it was to see if I remembered or not. I was confident, remembering the location effortlessly.

"So," she piped up, like if she was wrestling with something and decided the hell with it. "I'm curious about Nick and you. He wasn't really giving with information." She said sourly at the end and I imagined her interrogating Nick in some secluded cement room. I smirked a little at the image before focusing.

"Oh. What do you mean?" I figured it would have been odd seeing one of your close friends abruptly talk to a complete stranger with such enthusiasm. Did she not like the prospect of me and him talking? I thought about Donovan's attitude towards me as I talked with Nick. Maybe she agreed?

"All he said was you guy's had some history," I mentally palm-faced myself. _Nick._ That made it sound more elusive than it really was. "And no matter how many Twix bars I batted him with, he refused to talk to us about it. He told us to talk to you about it." I could feel her growing frustration and she looked over at me with emphasis. My face darkened, her whiskey eyes trying -but failing- not to burn holes into the side of my head.

I glanced back over, thankful for the same eye-level. I was stuck with the Brunson's shortness as well. "I got a shoe thrown at me." The words blurted out, giving into her scrutiny. Her eyes bulged and then a stunned laugh followed, looking at me with incredulousness.

"Oh my god, I need to hear this. From the beginning." She waved her hand in the air, gesturing for me to start when I was good and ready. I hesitated, the events running through my mind like old pictures. Should I? I eyed her from the corner of my vison, seeing her small circular face wide with a grin that said, "this was going to be good". I opened my mouth slowly, trying not to be a fool and butcher such an excellent story. I tried to recapture it like I did with my mom, making it funny instead of utterly traumatizing. It wasn't as good with my mother but it had worked. Katie was doubled-over on the metal stairs leading up to the next level and was fanning her face, trying to preserve her flawless eyeliner and mascara. I offered a small chuckle, fiddling with my bag's strap. I had a deep sense of satisfaction knowing I made another person laugh so hard -and I had a feeling with Katie that was usually her role- but I automatically shied away, my cheeks colored. Another Homeroom Rep. was dropping off the other new girl and gazed at Katie and me, offering a curious wave. I forced a smile.

"What a complete dork, oh," she shook her head, her eyes looking up as if she found absolution in my words. "I'm going to do great things with this." She sounded like priestess. I froze, looking at her in confusion.

"What do you mean?" I asked for the second time. She gathered her composure, the tips of her lips turning up at me.

"It's like my sole purpose in life to humiliate Nick as much as these hands and mind will let me," she pointed her temple, still speaking as if this was her religious mandate. "No wonder he didn't tell me." I could imagine her mouth salivating with this piece of information. I blanched.

"Katie," her name fell hard from my pursed lips. "I would really appreciate it if you didn't." I felt my palms begin to sweat and shake. I should have just kept my mouth shut. This was precisely the reason why he didn't want to talk about it. I flinched at the mental image I had of Nick looking at me with betrayal. And the way I had said it! The earlier wave of nausea hit me again.

"Oh no, this is just too juicy to pass up!" She looked almost dreamy as she pictured all of the hell she was going to unleash. What a little nymph. "But don't worry, he won't be upset with you. He wanted me to ask, don't worry. We've been at this a long time. If I didn't do something utterly sinister to him, he probably would die from boredom." She chuckled warmly and patted the hand that gripped the strap. I was too stunned to flinch. We were outside the class, Richards could be seen warming up the smartboard and several of the kids inside waived frantically at Katie through the glass panels that made up the outside of the room.

"It really wasn't that big of a deal," the words rushed out again. "I just made it sound more humorous than what it really was." I tried to persuade her, taking the heat on myself.

"Oh hun," she let out another burst of high-pitched laugh that didn't match her mischievous tone. "Their is _no_ way, you could somehow play-down what happened. He got a _shoe_ thrown at you." Her eyes were filled with utter euphoria and I grimaced. We said our good-byes and I watched her merrily skip down the steps and into the ground below. Filled with an impending sense of dread, I sat in my seat, staring blankly at the problem at the bored. I was fucked.  
Richard's eyed me curiously, seeing my usually flushed cheeks nearly drained and the dazed look in my eyes. I needed to talk to Nick, I anxiously looked at the clock and tried to focus in class. I knew the first week of school honestly wasn't that big of a deal but I didn't want to give myself the slightest leeway of screwing up. Remembering what the disclosure had said, I pushed my darkening thoughts away and pulled out my pen. Richards stood next to the board, going through different budgeting methods and bringing up a few David Ramsey's quotes she expected us to memorize for the first test we would have. I thought of my test anxieties, feeling immensely discouraged and gave a sight groan with the rest of the class. She jokingly told us to act like seniors instead of her sophomore class and began with the next slide. I always looked up to strong women, feeling inspired from her confidence as she taught. I felt slightly more relieved when several others in the class had questions and asked her to go back to past slides and re-explain a part of the assignment she handed out. I grasped most of it, already aware of budgeting through my mother, and finished the paper right before the bell rung.

"Sweet!" she exclaimed, taking the done-early assignment from my hands. She sounded like a kid and I smiled at her, her beaming face feeling good. It was just the kind of thing I needed to soothe my nerves. "This wasn't going to be nearly as hard as you thought it would be, huh, Charlotte?" She winked at me -probably breaking several teacher-student rules of conduct- and I gave a small chuckle.

"I admit, I wasn't too sure about this class. But at least I know I'm not going to be the only one struggling." I thought back to all the raised hands and a few who just didn't grasp it at all.

"Oh yeah," she nodded vigorously and brushed back a chunk of long curly hair. "Never hesitate to ask questions or even come talk to me personally. I've taught several of these students before so they know how open my classroom is. Don't be shy, okay?" She offered me another award-winning grin and went to touch my arm and pulled back last second, remembering my reaction from yesterday. I was thankful when a flash of something dark red caught our eye through the window and we saw Donovan walk casually in the room, offering a turn of the lip smile at Richards and gave me an unsettled look. I thought immediately of Katie and what I had said about Nick, panic blooming inside me once again.

"Hello our dear President," she offered warmly and began shuffling papers on her desk and getting ready for the next bunch of kids. Three appeared super early, the girl who came in I recalled from my ceramic class and wouldn't shut up about boys and her stupid parents. Her eyes bulged like if she got a horse for Christmas as she foamed at the mouth over the class president. "How's everything going on your end? The first dance is always crazy." She sighed, stilling smiling as she rolled her eyes in sympathy.

"Vice is the one who enjoys those kinds of things," he waved his hand, figuratively waving the responsibility on Katie as he approached the desk. "Now, the budget meeting next Tuesday for it, that's going to be crazy." Richards cooed with support and encouragement and I internally gagged.

Suddenly, her eyes light up and she looked over at me. "Just take advise from Charlotte over here, I bet her and Savannah could really make something work out. She's already a pro at handling money!" She looked like a soccer mom watching her kid kick her first goal. I made a startled choking noise in the back of my throat and gave her the similar "Mom you're embarrassing me" response back.

"Oh really." The response was cold and held no tone for Richards to continue but she did anyways and held up my paper, revealing my doodled edges and my sloppy cursive hand writing. I wondered what his deal was with me and then awkwardly tried to shoo the paper away, scarlet covering my face.

"You have a good afternoon Mrs. Richards," he said politely managing to shoot down her idea by nodding and ignoring it. "Oh, I'll see you tonight for the after-school math help." He added, offering her an excited thumbs up. I turned away, gathering up my things and watched the boy-obsessed girl strip Donovan to nothing but his birthday suit and swiftly giving me a glare as I walked out with him. Still feeling the tension between us over the budgeting idea, I stuck out my chin and looked at him head on.

"Um, I'm sorry about that. I wasn't expecting her to offer such a thing. I think she was just excited I turned it in early, that's all." I amended, mumbling more than what I wanted too, and a pair of stunning eyes swiveled down to look at me. I felt like I had been caught doing something bad even though I knew it wasn't my fault. Undeserved guilt hit me with his stare.

"Savannah is an excellent treasurer, you should have ran for Student Council somewhere else." He snapped and dismissed me entirely as we started on the stairs. A swell of rage from my core emerged but turned into tears when it touched the surface. I straightened my back, confused over the venom in his words. I walked a step a head, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing my hurt as we headed to Hyde's.

I kept my head down walking into the half-filled room, I quickly eyed Nick's seat. My heart dropping as I saw his empty spot and hoped he would just be coming in late. I shuffled my body into the back of the rows. I eyed the digital camera's, put into a wooden slots in the far end of the room. A few of the chunkier and professional one's sat on top of the shelves, a couple of Canon's and Nokia's. I could imagine the students fighting over them constantly. In the other corner rested a couple different types of printers and two laptops next to them. I imagined we did most of the computer work in one of the libraries. The school didn't have enough funding to give the photography class their own set of computers. Windows lined the wall across from me, the blinds only allowing you to see horizontal lines of the sky and streets outside. The rest was laid in brick, white paint thickly over it, and the flooring was faux-marble, a swirl of gray and black. The bull rung abruptly, making me jump in my seat and focus on the other people in here with me. The attention was angled at Katie, Donovan, and a few other of the popular juniors and seniors. Since this was with an elective class the grades were thrown in together on whoever decided to take it. The sophomore's were obviously cut off and they watched on with envy. Me and only three others were free spirits. Probably all new and waiting to be selected by a clique amongst their peers. After a few minutes went by, eye's wondered to the doorway, waiting for Hyde to burst in any second and demand everyone to be back in their proper seats. Suddenly my name was said and I jumped again. Several pairs of eyes turned over and collided with my startled ones. I noticed the signature blue ones immediately and paused. They glared at me and my name was repeated.

"Yeah you!" Katie's high laugh echoed and I stood awkwardly, feeling everyone's attention on me. Taking in my body, face and clothes. I had the inane urge to fold my arms and curl into myself as I walked or melt onto the floor to somehow hide from everyone's scrutiny. Katie was a bouncing ball of energy, kicking her legs wildly off the edge of the desk like a kid and had her hands in the hair, gesturing to the group of friends. Scarlet covered my face and I pushed my bangs away, trying to look everyone in the eye and not shy away. Anxiety split my brain in half, part of me wanting to run and the other frozen underneath the interested glances of my peers. The rushing of blood was too loud and I could barely keep up with what Katie was saying. I knew she was telling a story but didn't grasp it until she was through and everyone was laughing. I offered a polite chuckle and shuffled my feet against the awkward silence that followed. Never missing a beat, Katie gave me her full attention, finally explaining why I was here instead in my safe corner.

"You don't have to stand, you can sit on a desk and swing your legs like me," she dropped a wink and numb with stress, I took a desk obediently that was one over from Donavan. It was the farthest away without being right smack in the group of people. He stayed coldly polite, accepting my presence but made no gesture approving of it as Katie announced my name to the group. I recognized two of the girl's from yesterday, in the fangirl Donovan Club, and they nodded approvingly at the space between us. I gave a forced smiled and waved to everyone around me. I tried to think back to the mall, if I saw any of them there. If so, they would know me before I knew them. I had a shoe chucked at me, hard to forget something like that. No one hinted that they saw my face before and I exhaled in relief. Besides Katie, Donovan and I, there were two boys and three other girls. The two looked Hispanic with their olive skin and dark eyes -possibly related with how similar they looked- and the girls all had blonde or light brown hair. One of the blondes had a thicker figure similar to mine, not as top heavy, but it was nice to know I wasn't the odd one out. Or maybe only I felt like a dinosaur next to Katie?

"How are you liking it here so far?" One of them piped up after the introductions were made and -Samantha I recalled- directed the spotlight on me again. That had to be the sixth time someone asked me that. My face fell for half a second before I gave a one-shoulder shrug and halfway smiled.

"I'm still not use to all the rain and wet," I cleared my throat, feeling it squeeze in panic. "Probably why I'm in leggings and Katie is in a dress." I shivered and we all looked over at her swinging legs. She threw her head back and laughed, like everyone else and I ducked my head to blush.

"And how are you liking the school, Charlotte?" A cooler voice took over the chatter -one of the guys were wearing shorts and I pretended to shiver again- and a masked intensity was in Donovan's eyes as he looked at me. Katie paused in her giggling and looked up at him, utter adoration covering her face and my heart throbbed for the girl. He had on a pair of designer-fitted ripped jeans, Converse from yesterday and the cardigan over the button-up flannel he wore. I had something similar in my closet that I always tied around my waist. I was going to burn it now. He kept his ebony hair the same, short on the sides with the couple inches of hair pulled up and done in quick messy strokes over his head, barely any gel used.

"It's going just great," I started unsurely, seeing the tick in his jaw and his dominant dark eyebrows pulled together just the slightest bit. "Um, everyone is really nice and the student council is so much better here, you guys work really hard at your jobs. I can't fathom that." I slipped in a comeback to what he said in the hall earlier. Katie puffed up her petite chest and Donovan's face glowered. _What the hell are you doing?!_ A red light went off in my head as soon as the words spilled out. Suddenly, he lifted his chin up, his full lips parting and a beautiful smile replaced the glare like a on/off switch. I blinked, stunned by the show he was giving and well...  
I shook my head out of it and smiled back, not as plastic as he could, and still couldn't help the blush the crept up my throat. The other girl's were utterly smitten; at least I had some form of control. It helped that I now had an immediate disdain for him.  
I had no idea what his problem was with me but I didn't care anymore. He could suck my ass.

Before he could respond with some thinly-veiled comeback, his eyes lightened with genuine happiness and everyone shouted in excitement.

"Nicky!" Katie squealed and my head swiveled around, seeing Nick walk into class ten minutes late.


	5. Chapter 5 Peer Pressure

Chapter. 5

"Where's grumpy ass at?" Nick ducked coming in, immediately eyeing Hyde's empty seat and looking at the split up classroom. My eyes shot over to Katie, seeing the slow grin that spread as she locked gaze with me. I gave her a pleading look and she shook her head at me and turned away. When I looked away, Donovan's attention was on me for a second before breaking off and glancing back at Katie. He didn't miss a thing apparently. I internally screamed at myself and angled my body around to stare back at Nick. He looked oddly out of breath in gym shorts, a tank with gapping sides and tousled hair with beads of sweat coming from it.

"You look like you've been lifting camels in the desert," Katie observed bluntly and everyone chuckled. "Where _you've_ been?" She turned the question around, almost sounding like a scorning mother. I watched him with admiration, he was still trying to catch his breath and figure out why the class was the way it was and didn't really focus on the people in front of him. _Like me,_ I turned away from my sour thoughts and watched at Donovan unhitched himself to go stand by his friend. Probably more like best friends at this point. Another girl commented on the shirt he was wearing and giggled. My cheeks pinked and looked away.

"Well I was in body conditioning with Ras, just going over some form and stuff," he waved his hand dismissively. "And apparently my watch is fifteen minutes slow, so I had assumed I had enough time to go for a mile run on the track and got caught up." Nick groaned and wiped off a cupful of sweat away from his dominant chin. _He got caught up in running?_ I looked at him incredulous and impressed he would go for a run just because he had the time at school. Or thought he did.

"You didn't hear the bell ring, dork?" Donovan chuckled, squeezing Nick's hard bicep, knowing he was sore. He patted his sticky back with the other and Nick went over to punch him in the gut then stopped last second, both laughing like boys in the sandbox in elementary school. The affection was shocking, not from Nick but from Prez. The girls to my left had bleeding noses and the assumed-brothers jumped off the desk to hopefully join in the testosterone.

"I had-" he ducked away before Donovan could grab his neck. "Headphones in. I need my Beyoncé when I run, bro." He started to hum _Single Ladies_ and smack his hips into Donovan who gave a genuine laugh and pulled away, a spot of pink touching his cheeks and I was shocked again. The other boys weren't afraid to get into it and they sang the parts they did know and mumbled the rest. Everyone was laughing or awkwardly trying to sing a long. I couldn't stop the smile from my face and kept smiling even after they were done goofing off. Nick sighed, his eyes sleepy and Donovan pulled his friend over to a desk next to him. I sat quietly, watching Donovan's and Nick's head pull tightly together, both of each others hands gesturing while they talked. They were entirely zoned out.  
And I was entirely focused on him. The way his neck muscles popped when he would turn his head and the veins running underneath his flushed arms, dark hair covering the top of his forearms. His long defined legs jutting off the desk and touching the ground easily. The two dark brown freckles he had underneath his bottom lip and his asymmetrical eyebrows, the adorable crinkles he got around his almond-shaped eyes and the smack of perfect teeth. He blinked, abruptly turning away from Donovan and glanced at the back corner of the classroom where my bag sat lonely on my desk. I wasn't sure what he was looking for but Donovan's face fell flat.

"Hey, where's-" His head swiveled around, his thumb pointed over his shoulder and his eyebrows furrowed. Our eye's collided as he scanned the remaining side of the room. "Oh." His confusion turned to a pleasant smile and everything wanted to run away and freeze on the spot simultaneously again. Then his face fell before I could get over the suffocating feeling in my chest. "Oh god. You were there the entire time huh? You saw all of-" he crazily gestured to the spot by the door where Donovan had stopped him to wrestle and sing. "That huh?"

"Queen B, all the way," I covered my face with my hand to cover the loud laugh that came out. Katie howled like a hyena and Nick's face darkened as he smiled ruefully. "It was very entertaining, don't sweat it," I tried to be reassuring but the last part "don't sweat it" made everyone laugh harder and Donovan's eyes narrowed into knives at me. I blanched, my hand reaching forward as if to grab the words that fell out. "That was unintentional." I muttered and tried to look sincerely at Nick. He immediately brightened up, over the embarrassing moment already and was laughing with us. He looked over at me and shrugged, offering me a reassuring grin full of teeth.

"Alright, alright!" The harsh barks that followed was Hyde entering the room and everyone scrambled off the desks. He gave all of us an even glare, muttering things underneath his breath. He suddenly turned away, burying his mouth in his throat to cough up a piece of lung into it. He pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket -like all old guys do- and wiped his nose, groaning. "Because no one in the school district knows how to properly communicate, you guys don't get a sub today." He wheezed and I plopped into my seat, ducking my head like if he was going to use me as a virgin sacrifice to the devil. I flinched at the term, quickly shaking my head out of it.

"Soto," Hyde threw his head back, jutting out his adam's apple. "What on God's green earth are you wearing?" I scanned the class, confused who he was talking to and then Nick weakly answered.

"I have body conditioning before this class, sir. I was running late and didn't have time to change." At least he didn't lie. Hyde took in the dark red shirt with holes cut out from the sides, sweat still drying.

"Go take a shower and change, you're just going to fall asleep for this next part anyways." He snapped, turning on the projector that hung from the ceiling and the smartboard. Nick didn't complain and picked up his backpack and left.

"Take notes, hand them in as usual." Hyde ordered the rest of us and opened a notebook up, almost irritated I was watching another movie.

"Hey Charlotte," my eyes widened and I looked over to the girl who sat next to me. "Could I have a sheet?" she pointed to the notebook and I nodded. She was one of the sophomores in the class. The lights dimmed and the projector streamed the open credits. He didn't bother explaining what the show was about but I assumed it was a documentary about a professional photographer. Suddenly, Bill Nye popped up with science exploding out of his head and the entire class cheered and sang along. Hyde hissed like a snake and we whispered.

"Thanks," she beamed at me for a second before her face went somber. "You're okay now, right?" Yesterday's memory of me crying came back and I looked down at my desk, embarrassed.

"Yeah, it was just a long day," I shooed the topic away with my hand and she offered me an encouraging smile.

"I'm no Nick Soto but if you ever need someone to hang out with, feel free." She shot me a wink and I focused on the show in front of me, sinking in my seat.

The bell rung and everyone groaned, standing up and herded into the hallway for our hour lunch. I thought about the lunch in my car and the email I needed to read. Donovan stood, blocking my way of the aisle and I gave him a look. He glance at me, easily having a foot on my height and I had to crane my neck to finish giving him my glare. Second day at school and I already had the most desired and popular kid in high school abhorred me. Great. And it seemed to be just me. I had seen him in the halls with other new kids and friends in general. But by "friends" that meant half the school and being first-name basis with the teachers and faculty. And I was the only one he couldn't stand. In all honesty, I didn't like him the fist time we had meant either. I remember yesterday's strange distaste I had first seeing him. I figured it was just me shuffling my hate for the school onto him and being petty because of his envious looks. But apparently, in another ancient life, we had to be enemies or some bullshit to be so strongly against one another. If only he knew how bad I wanted to stay out of his life more than he wanted with mine. Dustin came to mind and with my mandate to hook him up with my aunt. I had to help my aunt. We would be seeing each other a lot more than he wanted, Nick's face popping up over Dustin's and made me flinch. I refused to be immature over this sudden grunge. I cooled my features, slinging my bag over my shoulder and turned away. Walking long the back and up the other side of the room, stopping from the cramped space. I backed up, deciding to wait instead being so heavily close by people. I saw the streaming lines of students in the hall and took a breath, looking down.

"Where do you think you're going?" My head shot up and I pushed my bangs away, seeing a pair of bottle-brown eyes and a serious scrunched up nose and eyebrows. I pointed my thumb to the thinning hall.

"Um, lunch?" My tone hitching a question.

"Try again." Katie leaned back impatiently, crossing her arms and pulled her lips shut. I was dumbfounded.

"Am I forgetting some sort of meeting or prearrangement?" I panicked, my mind racing and pulling a blank. The pixie unfolded her arms and laughter exploded from her body.

"Prearrangement," she shook her head and looked at me with weird fondness. The last remaining kids passed us, including Donovan who gave Katie a warm rub on the shoulder before readjusting his backpack and walked out with his hands in his pockets. Katie now looked awestruck. I saw the pain flash in her eyes before coming back to reality. "I think you're having lunch with us today, Mecham." Dropping a wink, she walked a head of me and beckoned with her hand to follow.

"Katie," I sighed, keeping up with her brisk pace in the hall, becoming aware of my moving body and reddened. "I really can't." I thought of being with more people, more talking, more embarrassing things. My shoulders tightened and I pushed past the nausea. _If they only knew_ , a darkness whispered in my mind.

"Yes you can. It'll be really fun, just some of us kids, like the ones you met in the classroom. We all really get a long and they all seemed to like you. Sorry about Prez though, he get's kinda shy but don't tell him I said that," she giggled mischievously and curiosity pulled at me. I knew it wasn't him being sheepish. Whatever he had against me, it wasn't being timid, that's for sure. "I invited another new girl, she's really chill as well." Katie and I had reached the commons, several groups were still hanging around and a horde of them were in the lunch line, filling up the tables and yelling loudly. My gut squeezed.

"He's fine," I muttered, pushing my thoughts of Donovan away. Of course Katie noticed his off-behavior, she didn't drop a beat with him. "I don't do well in groups, really Katie. I even had a lunch in my car, already paid for." I stopped in our tracks, seeing we were heading towards the main bench in the commons area. Right underneath the stairs leading up to where the math and science classes were. And it so-happened to have the biggest group of kids, all sporty, funny and popular. Someone brushed passed me, bumping my shoulder and shouted a name in the dozens of kids. Did it look as ominous as it did in my eyes or did others find it just as intimidating? I shivered and several faces turned at the sight of Katie, the looks pushing me back like an invisible puppet master pulling on my strings.

"I'll get you one of these days," she pointed a finger at me, her nails done in a matte black with gold and wine colored lines on them. "I don't take no's for a legit response." She gave me a piercing look that said she wasn't remotely kidding. Relief flooded through me and I figured this was her tactic that got her to Vice. That and her adorable viciousness and charming venom. I waved bye to her and turned around, walking around a cement pillar, proclaiming something about a Last Beginning of the Year Pool Bash decorated in the senior's graduating year and contact information. It was sometime next week and I heard Mags encouraging cheerleaders screams.

I pulled away and headed to the parking lot, relief flooding through me with an overpowering sense of exhaustion. I groaned, resting my head carefully on the steering wheel, safe from people and tight spaces. I had a thin sheen of sweat over my forehead and palms, my heart sputtering in my chest and a light tremble in my leg. I groaned, pressing my eyes together and breathing. Why didn't I stick to homeschooling? Online wouldn't be nearly as stressful. I remembered my mother's adamant argument over it, getting so riled up, I had zero choice in the matter. I was fine in the moment, being inside the building and focusing on going through the motions. Afterwards, anxiety shredded my body and mind. Finally calming down, I turned on the music and clicked on the Gmail notification, reading through my late-twenty-somethings aunt's sweet email, occasionally laughing as she described her hellish last couple of days being a preschool teacher and Shawn's dorkiness. I would respond later, probably bringing up the no-good pixie Katie and how my schoolwork is going along. I could sense her hesitation on Thanksgiving, being the youngest and most distant from her eldest sister, it would be understandable. If I had brought my mother in on it, Cecil wouldn't be as reluctant. They were the closest, my mother practically raising CeCe herself while my grandparents ran their snazzy law firm, disappointed none of their kids would one day be running it. Plenty of other cousins and relatives were already invested into it, but in my grandparent's eyes, it wasn't going to be the same without one of their daughters taking over. I think for a slight moment in time, they had even considered me as their heir, but dropped that when they realized my rebel side. Cecil had a little boy, just turning seven the past summer, and I could already see them sharpening their talons and beaks for the kill. Shawn worked for the firm (unrelated) -it was how he met Cecil- and my grandma and grandfather just needed more patience with their grandson.  
I pulled out my bag of food, feeling guilty for the white lie I had told Katie. Yes, the food technically was already paid for. The bread, jam and peanut butter bought weeks ago from the store. And the granola bar and Caprisun the same. But taken out of context and it sounded more urgent than it was. I picked around the food, not trusting my sensitive stomach and watched kids come in and out of the parking lot. Some just sat in the bed's of trucks with fast food and laughed and talked. Others, like this morning jammed out and kept to themselves. I was in the furthest parking here, avoiding other vehicles as allowed. Only a few of the jackasses revved their engines, peeling out of the parking space and almost crashing into neighboring cars. I gave them a heavy glare as they passed. I saw a two-door deep violet Wrangler whip around the corner, hauling ass before slowing down and coasting through. I internally gave the driver a nod of approval, watching with curiosity to see the face. The roof had been removed, the weather apparently warm enough to drive with it off. I would no doubt freeze in the mornings and definitely hopping to get in. It was raised, not enough to assume they were overcompensating for something, but enough to mess around in through streams and rocks. There was evidence of that on the sides and hood. I squinted my eyes, seeing them park in the section up from me and dropped a swear word. I immediately ducked, looking for a way out and realized I was in my Durango. I swore again. The right side of the Jeep was facing me and I saw lean legs drop easily to the ground, an easy-breezy look on his face as he bent over to fix his tousled hair in the mirror, adjusting the layers and flattening his shorter sides. He wore aviators, unrightfully looking perfect in them. He plopped them back down on the seat as his friends came around, jumping out of the back carelessly and suddenly my heart dropped. The one emerged from the passenger side, put into a dark green V-neck and boardwalk shorts and beat up Vans. Somehow, he looked just as good as he did in work-out clothes. He wore aviators too, matching his best friend, and the two slapped each other on the back, both beaming at each other. Nick Soto and Donovan Saunders. The three other guys that crawled from the backseat were strangers to me, one wearing a cardigan like the president and I could barely make out "secretary'" embroidered in gold letters.  
Seconds later after parking and unloading, another car sharply took the corner without slowing down and did a wide arch to miss the boys. It was a Nissan Altima, in a dangerous shade of red and last years model. I blinked, captivated with what was going on. The car door swung open and diminutive Katie came hurling out. She was _pissed_. Nick and the three others dodged, scattering like bowling pins and Donovan tipped-toed backwards with his palms facing up, impressively at a quick speed Katie couldn't keep up with and a earsplitting grin on his face. Girls emerged from the car, shaking their heads and looked half-irritated and half-amused. Seeing the only violent one was Katie, they herded together and watched. She chased him around his Jeep and in-between the parked cars. I just wanted to know what had happened that made her so feisty. They didn't stop until she was laughing her ass off and out of breath, hunched over and heaving. Several other students looked on and watched as well, shouting out things and making cat claws gestures with their hand at Vice. I eyed the time, groaning and knew I was getting caught eating in my car by Katie. I bucked up, refusing to feel like a child and quickly got out before I lost my edge. I swung my messenger bag over my shoulder and tucked my phone into the pocket on my sweatshirt. Without the music, I could hear the teenagers loud laughs and the shouts they made. Katie was still hunched over, giving Prez a glare that had no foundation to it. Knowing she was out of steam, he approached her, bending down to her eyelevel that had her shooting up in indignation. With one hand on her hip and the other screwing a fingernail into his sternum, she started lecturing the shameless Donovan.

"We agreed the _main roads_ , Saunders!" She was lecturing as I came into hearing range. I hadn't been noticed yet and I skirted the big group but slowly so I could hear. Donovan was biting back a smile and I was taken off guard with how... fun he looked like. Still more collected and calm, but not in the dark and brooding way I always saw him in my head. I stiffly glanced away and looked up, hearing something that sounded like-

"Curls!" It was the worst whisper in the world and I blushed, pausing in my tracks as Shrek saw me. He easily was the tallest guy here, a towering almost seven foot and broad shoulders and legs. He wore his hair long, falling to his muscled neck in dirty blonde waves with a rugged face, scruff and a crooked nose that Owen Wilson would be proud of. He was tan from the summers being spent outside and his shirt pressed against his arms as he waved me over. I went to pick up speed, refusing to be anywhere near the asshole, and suddenly Nick was joining in, his hands beckoning to come watch. I was weak willed apparently, I slumped my shoulder and walked over. The group was small, only consisting off the original people from the cars and then Shrek, Savannah and her boyfriend, and two others joined. Since Katie wasn't running around, a lot of people had left and went back inside the school before the bell rung.

"Yeah Yeah! We got Curls in the house!" Shrek cheered in a deep voice and I dropped him a withering look. He gave me a jock-laugh and winked at me.

"Curls?" Nick looked at my hair, piled up on the top of my head and nodded. "That's cute. I still prefer Charlotte though." Nick gave me an encouraging sweet half-smile and my response caught in my throat.

"I did stick to the main roads," Donovan piped up in his defense even though you could hear the false note. "Just because _you_ didn't know about it, doesn't mean it wasn't a main street."

"Donovan Saunders," Katie seethed but it didn't reach her eyes. "You know damn well that was a back road and next time, you're not going to win. I promise you that."

I blinked, taken a back again. "It was a _race_?" I asked, incredulous. Everyone nodded around me, this was old news to them.

"They race weekly, sometimes twice," Nick lowered his voice and I was caught up in the smoothness. "I can't even remember how it started. I think, what? Sophomore year?" He glanced up at Shrek to get his feedback but he wasn't paying attention anymore.

"How come?" I frowned, confused. Even in my reckless days, I didn't want those big fines associated with speeding. "I mean, I've assumed they've gotten caught."

Nick pursed his lips and nodded. "Oh, for sure." I stared at him, still puzzled.

"And they still have their licenses?" It hit me this was the longest Nick and I had talked since we met at the mall. I realized how close he had gotten towards me, naturally so I could hear him and I took a step back, shaking my head out of it.

He gave a loud laugh, tilting his head back and then down at me. "I honestly forget you're new, Charlotte," that was the second time he had said my name and it sent chills through me. "Katie's father is the Chief of Police and grew up with the officers like older brothers. Her mother is some brain surgeon at the McKatie Hospital and is very involved with the community," he gestured towards the arguing firecracker, having one hand across his chest and the other pointed. He compensated again for the space and leaned over, giving me a whiff of musky cologne that smelt like lemons and oak. "She's the head cheerleader and Vice President, and with the help from her parents has done several fundraisers for the homeless shelters and the new elementary school they built last year. She's earned several awards and scholarships from the school and wants to be the State Senator when she's older after graduating from Princeton," he gave a pause, letting all of that settle. "Would you want to be the cop that tickets Katie Lundrigan? He gave me a knowing smile and I let out a low smile.

"It's not fair though, getting treated different than anyone else." I commented, not that I had a problem with Katie, I just had a problem with fairness. Nick shrugged and turned his lips up ruefully.

"She's great though, a blast to be around and it's a give and take with her bossiness." He chuckled and lightly bumped into me. I jerked back and he reached other to catch me- thinking I was falling instead of flinching- and I raised my hands, showing I was stable. But dying on the inside.

"Sorry," we said at the same time and started laughing. I flushed and my eyes shot to the ground, looking at my shoes against the cracked black ground. _What was I doing?_

"And Donovan? What about him? I'd ticket him." I muttered darkly and immediately bit my lip. "Sorry, again. I didn't mean that." I internally smacked my face.

Nick chuckled, raising his hand to stop me from saying anything else. "You're honest about your feelings. I like that," he beamed and turned his attention back on his best friend. "Let's see, good ol' Donnie. Mother is the best lawyer in the state, pretty much. Always in the papers, being equally professional and ruthless at her job. Mayor Saunders is his grandfather, his grandmother is on the school district and his aunts run several small businesses in town and along the coast. The Saunders founded this town forever and a half ago," Nick rolled his eyes and I sensed it was from the big time name. "School's President, quarter back, soccer captain and he plays in the city's rugby team. We've gotten State every year so far. He's been on every sports team at least once or has somehow helped manage and to practice with them. He volunteers at an animal shelter and has written several pieces for the town's newspaper that really impacted how the city take cares of strays. Oh! Dustin!" He exclaimed and smacked his forehead. "His uncle, sorry. A big deal here, he's not on anything official but he helps run a lot of programs with education and sports. He's kind of like the school's unofficial official chaperone and party host." He chuckled, smiling fondly at old memories. I remembered my aunt just explaining this morning how well-known the Saunders were. She could have been more specific with the titles though. I thought of the gorgeous and direct Cameron, pinning her as a lawyer. Was that his mother? And what about the dad? Nick didn't mention anything and from the pictures on the mantel, Cameron was very much single and content with it staying that way.

"Party host?" I raised an eyebrow, picturing Dustin's charming face and his dark hair graying on the sides in a sophisticated way. I didn't know how wise it would be to share that I had already met him so I kept it to myself.

"Every year he's hosted the Last Beginning of the Year Pool Bash, always decking out his backyard with cool games and prizes for us seniors. I mean, plus the pool. And he's chaperoned a lot of dances and activities. The parents trust him and he's a super cool dude. Hey!" like lightening, a thought hit his face and I jumped, refocusing again. "You should come with us to the party! Just ignore Donovan, he's just being stupid." He added when he saw the look of trepidation and thought it was Donovan. I whitened, panic blossoming in my chest and I pulled away. Just like with Katie, I had to refuse. Abruptly, the bell sounded and we looked back at the school.

"Don't think about it, just say yes." He gave me a pointed look, his eyebrows arched and mouth set in a serious line. I muttered something and before he could respond, Shrek had him in a head lock and Donovan came over to dig his knuckles into his head. Fighting and shouting names, they ran off and the look Donovan gave was unmistakably directed towards me. I timidly headed towards Berkley High, lost in my thoughts as I crossed the parking lot and let the breeze play with my bangs. Across from the high school was the natatorium, chlorine from the pool water being already smelled, and several swimmers walked in and out. Neighborhoods full of houses surrounded the school as well as some small burger places and a donut shop, always busy from the high school students. I wandered aimlessly into the school, the close proximity of bodies making me lightly jump and twitch as if I was being pricked with needles. I passed the tan lockers and the empty classrooms being filled again, my mind lost in thought. I plopped down in the art room, the classroom part with desks that had the capability to lift up into a artist's easel and a drawer filled with colored pencils and pens. I chose the front row, knowing very few would sit here and unloaded my bag in the seat next to me. Today, we were going over some techniques and watching videos about some famous YouTube artist. I always had a mild passion for art and the like, I went to several museums during the summer with my aunt and was drilled religiously on the proper way to study art and pick up on an artist's style. I was sure ceramics had the same concept, maybe a twist of the rules, and I was confident. Ahead of me was Alsop's desk, filled with canvases, paintbrushes and pencils. On the front of the wall, pinned into the carpeted surface, hung student's latest pieces. It must have been a higher leveled drawing class for students who took it like my talented aunt did. Outstanding acrylic still life's were matted and displayed; a white porcelain vase with a single budding carnation, three weathered books of jade green, levi blue and gray laid next to it and a red apple came in front. Each was stunning and held the same basic concept, but totally original and individual. I wondered what my aunt would be enthusiastically muttering into my ear, her voice naturally dropping an octave when around art from working at a museum. I shifted uncomfortably, tearing my eyes away and pushed the abrupt home-ache away. The teacher came in, radiating energy with jerky movements as he hustled the wandering students into their seats and slapped off the lights. Alsop was on the younger end of the spectrum, being no older than thirty-four and had that fresh I-adore-my-job-and-love-kids attitude you rarely found in the seasoned teachers. Gangly with dirty blonde hair and a proud Roman nose, he was known to randomly break out in different accents when talking and made it adamant to never touch his pupil's artwork. I had tried and failed miserably with my pinch pot yesterday and he cooed me, saying that was the beauty of art. I had rolled my eyes and thought of Mags.

"Hey! C'mon now, simmer down 'dere." He went with a thick western accent and several kids giggled before quieting. He reached into his paint stained pockets, muttering a curse word that only I heard and my eyes widened. He seemed more scatterbrained than usual. He adjusted some things on his desk, found what he was looking for ad aimed the remote at the projector above on the ceiling and turned on his SmartBoard. I groaned, more videos. I silently hoped biology and history were different. With the lights off and the introduction music playing, my thoughts wondered, only my hand moving smoothly over a piece of paper for doodling made it seem like I was paying attention. I thought of the information Nick said to me, seeing Katie and Donovan in a new light. Neither were just a pretty face, both had amazing credentials and hard workers. I felt myself slightly shrivel on the inside, like a uncomfortable tug at the bottom of my stomach. Why did it make me so upset with how successful they were? The gnaw painfully turned into self-disappointment. I wasn't even sure I wanted college and Katie was going to Princeton. Donovan -his name making the pain worse- probably had so many other university offer, his mailbox was overflowing. My mind softly landed on Nick and I wondered what his plans were. I didn't know him well enough to ask about his future goals. _Stupid, Mecham!_ I scorned myself and then suddenly wondered if he even _wanted_ to discuss his future with me. My eyes shifted downward, my hand stopping the twists and shapes on the dimly lit paper. I remembered the people surrounding Katie in third period, the adoration everyone gave Donovan and the warmth Nick shared and received tenfold back. Like a tidal wave delicately sucking me under, I realized I had no place with them. Even the snobby Donovan, who wanted nothing else to do with me anyways. I was correct turning down Katie's lunch offer and just like her, I wouldn't be going to the School Bash either. Comforted by my decision, I squared my shoulders and refocused myself, staring at the screen ahead as the Asian man in front of me mesmerizingly formed a massive serving bowl on his wheel and shaped it delicately with his fingers.

The bull rung and all of us silently picked up our things, glazed over by the long and hypnotizing video. It was Katie and the treasurer who stopped by, he gave me an appraising full-bodied gaze and I stiffly smiled, plucking at my sweatshirt and leggings. He was a thicker guy and average in height, with styled blonde hair and blue eyes set in a smirking baby face. I instantly read him as cocky and shifted my gaze at Katie who beamed at me.

"Chaaarlotte," she said, carrying out my name as she bounced over. "This is Tyler, I brought him with me because he wanted to know all of the new kids," she leaned over conspiringly at me, her eyes smoldering. "But he really just wanted to know what the fuss was all about." My eyebrows shot up at the last part. Fuss? What fuss? A thousand meanings of what she meant flew across my mind in the seconds it took for Tyler to warmly offer his hand politely.

"Charlotte Mecham, correct?" He tried to be smooth but I just dumbly nodded.

"Tyler, right?"

"Just call me Ty, everyone does." He smiled warmly and I nodded again. A rare awkward silence spread over, Katie gone and talking with the teacher -probably flirting more than anything- and the student council member just oddly stared at me while I fiddled my thumbs and pretended not to notice.

"Sorry about that guys," Katie said unapologetically and motioned for us to move into the hallway. I was once again the leader, which made me only fiddle more with my hands, and the other two discussed the upcoming football season.

"Well, how is Grayson shaping up? I don't think we'll get very far with another shitty defense."

"No, No. If Coach did that, we'd be screwed!"

"Two-a-days?" Tyler scoffed and I vaguely understood he was talking about workouts. "I think that would burn us out quicker than anything. What does Saunders say?"

My ears pricked up.

"Pfft! Perfect practice makes perfect," Katie remarked and I rolled my eyes, of course that would be her motto. "And Dee doesn't really care, he works out like a beast anyways. I think just as long as it doesn't interfere with the team's studies and too much of their social life, he'll be golden." Katie chuckled ruefully and then her eyes went to mine, suddenly saddening. _Dee?_ How many nicknames does this guy have?

"Sorry hun, I didn't mean to exclude you. Were you on any sports back at your previous school?" She turned up her lips again and I was aware of Tyler's eyes boring into me.

"Err, I did a few years of volleyball. That's about it." I murmured, remembering the horrible and mean girls. I shuddered.

"Oh really!" A look darted across her face and she smiled like the vixen she was. "I know I couple guys who dig volleyball players. I could introduce you if you wanted." She leered at me and my hands shot in the air. _Oh Jesus no._ The biology room came around the corner and I never felt more relief to escape a conversation. Ty excused himself and continued walking as we stopped and leaned against the brick wall. I was thankful he left.

"Um, that's okay, Katie," I smiled forcefully at her. I suddenly remembered this afternoon at lunch and gave her a small smirk. "I would hate to be the guy that ever pisses you off." I chuckled and she gave me a puzzled expression.

"I saw what happens when men don't play fair at lunch." I giggled and she slightly blushed, a first for her probably.

"Freaking Donovan," she muttered, peeved all over again. "More like immature boys who just look like they're worth a damn." She scoffed, playing tough but I knew differently. I'd only been around her the last two days but I could tell she had it bad.

Brazenly, before I could bite my tongue and check my curiosity, I blurted out a question. "Were you and him ever a thing? You seem close." Code for, "I can totally tell you're into him but what's up with the friendzone thing" and she looked down at her feet like a little girl caught trying to sneak a cookie.

"Yeah," she gushed, looking utterly drunk as she looked back up. "I mean, no. No. It's not like that." She corrected abruptly, cold water being dumped on the conversation.

"Well, that contradicted." I laughed shortly and her hands fluttered in exasperation. I shrunk back.

"No, no, it's not you," she corrected, seeing my hurt. "I'll have to explain later, it's a long story. Hey, you're coming to the Senior Bash right? I'll pick you up! I know exactly where it is!" She gave me her full Katie Lundrigan grin and I thought back to Nick as well. I flinched, giving myself a swift reminder of what I decided in art, and shook my head.

"Water really isn't my scene." I made a face but it was totally honest.

" _I'll save you a spot by Niii-iick_ ," she bribed in a sing-song voice. "You can even cuddle during the movie." All my lunch threatened to shoot up and I whitened right when she said those words.

"Hey, I really need to head in," I changed the subject, turning away. "I'll see ya tomorrow." I saw the perplexed look on her small face but I went in, taking a seat in the back of the room to collect my self.

Science and history blew over, filled with stupid note taking and open book quizzes. I had no idea what the rest of the semester was going to be like, but I silently prayed it wouldn't be so dull. The last bell of the day rung, sounding like a benediction, and everyone groaned with relief. I slumped my bag over my shoulder and glared at the endless rooms and hallways that were somehow too small when you needed it to be massive and too roomy like when you were walking by yourself. I busted out the front doors, welcoming the drops of rain on my scrunched up face and breathed. I survived the first two days of school. Two-hundred-and-something more to go.


End file.
